


Just a Ruin (and Mudcrab) Advocate

by HircinesHuntingGround



Category: Elder Scrolls Online
Genre: Diary/Journal, Elsweyr, F/F, F/M, Main Questline, clockwork city
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-06-29 07:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 223
Words: 22,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19825360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HircinesHuntingGround/pseuds/HircinesHuntingGround
Summary: Follow Liselle’s journey through Tamriel and Coldharbour via her journals. Mostly musings, rambles, and the occasional artwork.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_ I’ve been away from home for so long. I’ve been trekking throughout Hammerfell. The climate is so vastly different from home, but it has its charms and the clothing there is actually comfortable. Breathable. _

_ When I returned home, there was a summons for me.  _

_ A benefactor? _

_ It’s unsigned. _

_ Perhaps someone at the Mages Guild has gained some sense and has decided to actually fund my research. ~~One can only hope.~~ _

_ I shall depart on the morrow. I’ve much needed sleep to catch up on.  _


	2. Chapter 2

_**[scrap of paper with smudged charcoal and dried blood]** _

_This is my only pa ** ~~[per]~~** and I ha ~~ **[ve this tin]**~~ y piece of charcoal._

_Appa ** ~~[rently, I]~~** ’m dead? _

_Cold ** ~~[harbour.]~~**_

_That ** ~~[benefac]~~** tor was a set up. But, why me? _

_There ** ~~[’s mill]~~** ~~i~~ ons of people on this planet?_

_Why me?_

_Why?_

_Why? **[drop of dried blood]**_

_I’m stuck he ** ~~[re for eternity]~~**_

_I’ll never see [ ** ~~my family.~~** ]_

_**~~[Smudge of charcoal]~~** or find love? _

_~~**[They never le]**~~ t us sleep. I feel like I need to eat **~~[but there’s ]~~** no food. That booming voice of ~~**[Mo]**~~ lag Bal._

_I can hear the cries ~~[of the tortu]~~ red._

_I fear I’m next._

_I hear them talk about ** ~~[ me a l]~~** ot but I don’t understand._

_I fear this ** ~~[ is my] l~~** ast note._

~~_Make sure **[ Sn]** owy grows up healthy and that he becomes the strong Karth bear dog he is supposed to be._ ~~


	3. Chapter 3

_ ~~Finally back in a proper journal. I’ve kept that old piece of paper for the sake of remembering I was there.~~ _

_ I met this very tall and beautiful nord woman. Lyris was her name. She saved me from the cell I’d been in. I don’t know how long I was in there but I’m ever grateful.  _

_ Once I was out of the cell I could finally feel my magick course through every fiber of my body. As much as I wanted to summon Spavento, my clannfear, I better reserve my energy. _

_ Lyris said she knew a way out. We saved her friend and he left Coldharbour without Lyris. _

**_Without my soul._ **

_ I met an odd Soul Shriven. He goes by Sir Cadwell. I feel like that name is so familiar. I’d love to be able to talk with him again. But, I would very much not like to go there again. _

_ This Prophet fellow seems to think I have some destiny. _

_ I don’t want that. _

_ It’s been several months since I’ve been back to Daggerfall. My father cried when he saw me. Maux and Mere said Damienund also disappeared shortly after me.  _

_ To not worry them, I told them I was caught and held prisoner by Aldmeri Dominion during my travels and recently escaped thanks to my new friends. _

_ Snowy is such a large dog. I might be able to take him on adventures with me now. _

  
  


_ But it would seem this reunion is short lived. The Prophet wants me to meet him at this cave nearby called the Harbourage. Since I am free because of him and Lyris I shall visit. _

  
  


_ The Prophet showed me his mind. I saw the events that preceded mine own. Also saw Abnur Tharn. I’d only read a few of his books and knew of him. I’m rather intrigued by this man. He seems to be… I can’t think of the proper word. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Proud. Pretentious. Words to describe Abnur Tharn. He is an Imperial after all._

~~_But sometimes, I worry for my taste in people and men in particular._ ~~


	5. Chapter 5

_I managed to sleep a few hours without nightmares. But, I was also curled up with Spavento. Maybe be in close contact with Coldharbour will help?_

_I didn’t even mentioned the nightmares to anyone at first. But they happen almost immediately after I fall asleep._

_I ended up talking with Maux he says it’s shock from the war and being captured. It happened to him before he was discharged due to his injury. He had nightmares for years._

_I never knew that and I suddenly feel like a horrid sister._

_He gave me his recipe for the tea he makes for bed and a list of herbs he uses in addition to his bath oils to help relax._

_He says it gets easier with time._

_I hope so._

_The Prophet needs me back at the Harborage to rescue Lyris. The nord/giant woman that saved me. He’s found a way to help me get there._

_I don’t want to go back but, she did save me so. I better._


	6. Chapter 6

_ I found Lyris and we made our way through all these trivial obstacles. Collecting her gear, having her confront her past… _

_ An adventure that I honestly would not have minded if the venue were not Coldharbour. _

_ There was a projection of Abnur Tharn. He offered us help in the form of Lyris’ axe. _

_ This clannfear that protected Lyris’ axe towered over Spavento. At least as tall as me. But nothing we couldn’t handle. _

_ Lyris is such a strong woman. Busting down the walls like they were absolutely nothing. _

_ Well aimed spell would work or even Spavento could do it but brute strength belongs to Lyris. _

_ Before we left, she found another one of the 5 companions. Sai Sahan.  _

_ He’s being housed elsewhere and we can’t reach him. _

_ It’s back to the Harborage. _


	7. Chapter 7

_ I told the Prophet about both Sahan and Tharn. _

_ He sent me on the task of finding more information and so I did.  _

_ There's this cellar that the Worm Cult uses. Had to fight of a couple things including a vampire. _

_ Apparently after reading his journal he is working for Tharn as a sort of protector. _

_ He’s a pile of ash now. _


	8. Chapter 8

_Divines, save his soul! He, Abnur Tharn, called me a ‘twit’. Like he didn’t meet me in Coldharbour? I wasn’t expecting to talk to him again after he gave is Lyris’s axe. I ~~probably sounded like a dumbstruck teenager.~~_

_Though, he has amused me. And she hates his guts._

~~_I understand he ran off with the Worm King but… I think if it was between working for Mannimarco or being tortured by Molag Bal, I would become Mannimarco hand servant in a heart beat._ ~~


	9. Chapter 9

_When I returned to the Harborage I handed the speaking stone to the Prophet. He said he would need to look into before we could look for Sahan. He would contact me as soon as he could._

_For now there’s a nice fair going on and Daggerfall has a lot of people coming into visit._

~~_I probably could find someone to mess around with for the time being. I haven’t been with anyone for a long while. Maybe it’ll help with the nightmares._ ~~

_The nightmares are easier to deal with when Spavento is near me. Or I take that tea my brother fixes. But, I still don’t sleep as often as I should._

_~~I’m also afraid of letting anyone near me while I sleep. Nothing cries I need attention like nightmares.~~ _


	10. Chapter 10

_The Prophet summoned me back to the Harborage. Luckily he’s blind and my guest was asleep but I still wasn’t dressed. I left a note to my guest letting her know I unfortunately had pressing matters to attend and would not be back here. She was welcome to help herself to any food and the servants would take care of her for the day._

_I heard Tharn’s voice as soon as I walked into the cave. They were arguing and Tharn looked somewhat pleased to see me. Tharn asked for Asylum. I asked for his reasoning, but ultimately felt he would be beneficial to us. ~~Tharn made a comment about my disheveled hair and asked if I had a good time? I shrugged. Highly inappropriate to ask anyone those questions.~~_

~~_I’ve had better but one night stands weren’t romance or making love. It’s just fun._ ~~

_The Prophet would send us to Coldharbour shortly._


	11. Chapter 11

_Tharn wasn’t much help for the first part. We had to sneak around and we eventually found Sir Cadwell, who agreed to help us._

_Thankfully!_

_This little man is a savior._

_There were lots of rumors about Tharn as we snuck around the castle. ~~Not really snuck. I may have ended a few Daedra.~~_

_Lucky for him, we made it there in time. We had to fight a projection of Mannimarco after he banished Tharn. Tharn wasn’t gone long though. Never underestimate him._

_Watching him distract Mannimarco… ~~(and me as well)~~_

_The arguing between these two though._

_Lyris really hates Tharn._

~~_I like the man._ ~~


	12. Chapter 12

_We saved Abnur Tharn from Coldharbour._

_~~Divines save my sou….. I don’t have one, nevermind.~~ _

_I’ve never had more fun dabbling with new magick before. Lyris thought it was wrong and gross. ~~She heaved over the edge of a cliff at one point.~~ But I wondered what would happen if we used the same body parts? Would it still assimilate into something like what I created? Or would it be even more grotesque? ~~Maybe I’ll have to experiment. Though discreetly.~~_

_When we made it back, Tharn said the Prophet and Lyris had been lying to me. And at this point, I feel like even Tharn is far more trustworthy, despite all he has done._

~~_It also doesn’t help that I find myself rather attracted to this man. I’ve invited him to my estate, discreetly of course._ ~~

_~~He agreed.~~ _

_He also needs to stop by the Mages Guild to find more clues?? I don’t know what help they will be… ~~Again, I’m partially biased against them for rejecting my research~~. I offered help, since I know where all the books are in their library. My extensive knowledge of ruins may come in handy._


	13. Chapter 13

_We gathered some books to compare with my personal library. My collection is a little more specialized. Most involve daedra summoning and the arcane. But there’s also my journal collection of ruins I’ve delved into. They possibly could come in handy. I’m sure the collection will look miniscule to what Tharn is used to but, we’ve no other option besides possibly breaking into the Mage’s Guild. ~~If he wants to, he is on his own.~~_

_~~Also, I definitely approve of this man’s Imperial regalia moresethan the mage outfit. I’m positive I’ll like more later on.~~ _

_~~I’ve also made sure my servants were ready to sneak Tharn into the estate. I’ve paid each one handsomely for their discretion. Though, if my family finds out, I worry more for the teasing from Damien and Papa will talk of marriage even though I wish to remain a spinster. Than actually getting caught with Tharn. Though, even though he’s now considered a traitor anongst his family, if we were caught I’m sire there’d be a scandal of sorts.~~ _

_The books that are accessible to non-members are not very good with what we are searching for. I have quite the collection and if I need to venture to Damien’s library or even Papa’s. ~~I know both worship daedra. Mere could help as well. Maux neither reads nor worships anything.~~_

_~~I better finish this up. But, it’s been rather hectic. After dying and leaving Coldharbour without a soul, rescuing Lyris and Tharn. Having him agree to this has honestly been a blessing. More than a blessing.~~ _


	14. Chapter 14

_One more thing before I greet Tharn, I’ve talked that weird soul shriven, Sir Cadwell, into coming back to Tamriel for the time being. He’s also been a blessing._

_~~Queer little man. But, if I don’t love him.~~ I’m laughing right now. He’s honestly the only person I’ve come across that understands my thought processes the way I do. I’m ever grateful for that._


	15. Chapter 15

_We managed to get a lead. Norvulk Ruins. At the time I ventured there, years ago, it wasn’t used by the cult._

_Tharn is asleep ~~in my undersized bed right now. I honestly can’t believe I did this. { **[written in margins]But, I’m fine with it. }**~~ Once he wakes up, we’ll be heading out. I’ll bring my notes from my time there. They shouldn’t have changed too much._

~~_I hardly sleep nowadays with these rampant nightmares. I might take some tea and sleep an hour. I’m constantly being tormented by Molag Bal._ ~~

_Is it because he has my soul? Am I feeling it’s effect from there? Is this cursed daedric prince tormenting my soul and these are the effects? I wonder if this something that happens? I haven’t slept since coming back._


	16. Chapter 16

_Norvulk. It’s exactly as I remembered it. A lot more Dremora and more Vaermina paraphernalia than last time. We listened to all the speaking stones._

_~~And whoever thought it was a good idea to put this important information in speaking stones…. The whole world can listen to them. No traps. I guess normal folk wouldn’t try to go through a daedra infested ruin though.~~ _

_After we found out where we needed to go, Tharn just left. Hall of Torment in Coldharbour.  
_

_~~I don’t know what I expected, though.~~ _

_~~He could’ve offered his portal?~~ _

_~~I’ll just make my own.~~ _


	17. Chapter 17

~~_Can’t they call me by my name?_ ~~


	18. Chapter 18

**[Hastily scribbled note]**

_he wanted me to choose him over lyris because he has daedric knowledge and is a mage_

_im beginning to wonder if i dont exist anymore at this point_

_does spavento not exist and is she not happily munching on food at the entrance of the harborage_


	19. Chapter 19

_For obvious reasons I chose Tharn to go back into Coldharbour. To save Sahan. I would much rather not go back. But, even if he isn’t trustworthy, Tharn is as least straightforward and refuses to sugarcoat the situation. I need this in my life right now considering the condition my life has been._

_I feel like I almost lost it coming back here._

_At least his attitude has grounded me enough._

~~_I’ll never admit out loud how grateful I am towards Tharn for I shall get mocked._ ~~


	20. Chapter 20

_We encountered a doppelganger of Tharn. He mocked Sahan and then attacked us. I’m glad he wasn’t the real thing. I feel the doppelganger would’ve been a more formidable foe._

_I tested a new summon in this fight. Summoned a bear. I named him Boris._

_I can hear Tharn rolling his eyes._

_~~I’ve also made some off hand comments about meeting Tharn again. Not appropriate given the situation but after last time…~~ _

_~~Nothing about my journal has been appro~~ _

**_[journal entry cuts off]_ **


	21. Chapter 21

_We had to fight a Lyris doppelganger. I’m glad about my choice in bringing Tharn now. Lyris would’ve gone berserk at this moment._

_I need to work with Boris. Since he fought Tharn’s doppelganger he seems to think the real Tharn is the enemy. ~~I’m laughing. Tharn is not.~~_

_Spavento is still apprehensive around him. But this clannfear seems to only trust me. Even if we meet other clannfear and dremora that would originally be her master, she only listens to me. I know that’s how summoning works but, the bond between her and me shouldn’t override her bond to her plane._

~~_She’s from Coldharbour and being home, should she not listen to what her plane is telling her?_ ~~


	22. Chapter 22

_Sahan is back in Tamriel._

_Now with everyone here, it’s best to assume they’ll want my help with acquiring the Amulet of Kings._

_I really want to… not help._

_And they assume I want my soul back?_

_Are there perks to having my soul?_

_I suppose after thinking briefly…_

_If I do not get my soul back, it stays with Molag Bal? I do not want to stay in Coldharbour after I die??_

_Can I even die?_


	23. Chapter 23

_Tharn is being discreet in front of the others. Assignation with a young lady. He said._

_We already agreed to meet at my apartment rather than my estate. I’ve given him my key earlier in Coldharbour. Hardly appropriate given the place and situation. But, if he is seen at the estate, the other’s could find out._

_I for one do not mind if they find out. We already are on shaky terms. Varen lied and still expects me to help. Lyris sides with either Varen or Sahan outright ignores any thing Tharn says._

_Even if what Tharn says is the truth._

_It irks me._

_Tharn has gone off to the apartment. I’ll feign being tired and excuse myself shortly. I am leaving Spavento here to mingle with Sir Cadwell._


	24. Chapter 24

_I feel like utter shit._

_I woke up from a nightmare…_

_Tharn seemed worried for a moment. And he hasn’t mocked me… yet._

_I said I was okay. Which I will be._

_I confided in him about my thoughts with my soul being in Coldharbour and the coinciding nightmares._

_He agrees._

_Though the trauma I faced there._

_This is not how I wanted this relationship to be._

_I wanted a fun time. Not talk about my issues, let alone anyone finding out about the nightmares._

_He said I should look into sleep draughts. He has a book on some potent ones. I haven’t used alchemy in awhile but._


	25. Chapter 25

_I took a break from the Companions to get Boris under control. Spavento has been a great help with it. Is it because he’s a bear?_

_He certainly like Snowy. Snowy is a bear dog so it’s funny they’re having fun._

_Tharn found the book he mentioned. I’ve read though the instructions and it seems like something I can do. I mean, I can summon daedra and a bear. Potions shouldn’t be too hard. I’ll stop by the Mages Guild to see if I procure the ingredients and make it._

_Hopefully, it’ll help. It’s been several weeks since I’ve come back. 4 days since we’ve saved Sahan._

_I’ve woken Tharn up at least 2 others times since the day we saved Sahan. He shouldn’t need to deal with that side of me. But he agrees to our time together and has asked me for tonight. I fear I will wake him again._

_It’s like I’m a child again and mama has passed on again. But, instead of dreaming of losing her again. It’s always Coldharbour. I’m back there. Molag Bal is….. the things that happen to me. I can’t begin to imagine when I die. I’ll be there forever._

_**Maybe my soul is important.** _


	26. Chapter 26

_Last journal feeling down on myself. I’m not particularly self conscious, but the time I’ve been with Tharn and the others, I’ve been worrying about my rambling issue as of late._

_These journals help with my thoughts but when I talk aloud there’s always something that gets loose._

_I guess I feel the looks they give me sometimes. I did let them know I would help them with retrieving the Amulet of Kings. But, my soul wasn’t that important. Lyris seemed put off by that and Sahan also tried to talk me out of it._

_Varen is… he was quiet, thinking about what he needed to say to convince me._

_Tharn attempted to stifle a laugh. I heard it. I doubt the others did over their arguing._

_I left them alone to wallow in their own misery!_

_I just want to get back to my life of ruin delving and daedra summoning._

_Thank you._

_Sir Cadwell agreed with me, being a fellow soulless. Of course he would._


	27. Chapter 27

~~_I lied_ ~~

_These nightmares are stupid and gettig old._

_At least Tharn left for the night and Spavento was in my room_


	28. Chapter 28

_I decided to pay a visit to my favorite place as a teen. **Ilessan Tower.** There’s a beautiful area with trees and waterfall underground._

_Bandits and harpies have taken over the tower… what’s left of the tower._

_I cleared out the bandits and harpies. They shouldn’t be an issue now._

_A bandit snuck up on me but Spavento saved me. More than once. Honestly, I’ve never been so distracted. Not just the loot I’ll be taking back to Daggerfall to hopefully redistribute it to the people._

_But…_

_I usually don’t stay with a single person this long. What is it about him?_

_I certainly don’t want to stop seeing him._

_I don’t want continually rely on him like that for my issues. But, the time we have together is fun. ~~Not just the messing around.~~ If I could ever talk him in to delving with me, not only would it be nice to have some to talk to… but he’s incredibly knowledgeable and well versed in several topics. The conversations and banter we have is… calming. Grounding. I like it._


	29. Chapter 29

_Varen has summoned me on my return to Daggerfall. I sent a banekin back stating I will return when I can. I’m busy. ~~Tharn sent a responding banekin asking for me to meet him at the inn. I banished it.~~_

_I need to be away from them. I dropped off that supplies to the commander. At least the bandits won’t attack Daggerfall itself. But perhaps they could spare more patrolmen around the area._

_I stopped by home to grab Snowy. Papa wanted to talk to me._

_I briefly listened but as soon as I heard Tharn’s named I just ran. Maux followed after me. Stating that Abnur Tharn was looking for me._

_Maux had no idea how I met such important people but…_

_I told him. I told him the truth but begged him not to tell Papa._

_Maux knows about Coldharbour and my soul and the 5 companions._

_He simply hugged me. Calmed me down._

_He said he knew I was hiding something, but didn’t want to pry._

**_I’m ever blessed to have him as my brother._ **

_I feel bad for not going back to the Harborage, worse for irritating Tharn._

~~_I sent another banekin to him specifically, apologizing and letting him know I would be at my apartment later on past midnight if he’d want to meet then. I had personal business to attend to before we went to get the amulet._ ~~


	30. Chapter 30

_I ran into a ghost. He was looking for a treasure of Dresan. Had me do this cryptic ritual at these statues. It opened up the well._

_Snowy, Spavento and Boris all stayed up. I heard Snowy whine the entire time. I could’ve easily resummoned Spavento and Boris, but there weren’t very many enemies here._

_Ran into an Ayleid ghost down here as well. Couldn’t understand him at first but I found an amulet and I understood him. He wanted me to free his brothers. Who am I to judge? I freed them all. He wanted to know if he should pass on or explore the world?_

_I told him I wasn’t the best to decide that. But he should at least see some of the world and decide that for himself. It might be warstricken right now, but the world is still beautiful._

_After spending so much time away from home and in Coldharbour I forgot how much I miss Glenumbra._

_The treasure of Dresan seems to be this index. It’s related to Hermaeus Mora. The ghost wasn’t thrilled but told me to take it to this high elf in the town nearby._

_I’ll be headed to my apartment now. I should be there after midnight. ~~I wonder if Tharn decided to stop by. After I banished his banekin and then sent that apology.~~_

_~~I wouldn’t be upset if he decided to not show up.~~ _


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im not sorry ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_Tharn actually came over._

~~_I nearly started to cry from the relief. I am too attached to this man and it’s beginning to show._ ~~

_He did give me a scolding about the banekin summoning and banishing._

_He seems fed up with me avoiding the problem at hand and I shared my worries about the whole thing._

_He told me how childish I was acting and I agreed with him. He had to remind me that I wasn’t alone in this. That unfortunately, we all needed each other for this._

~~_I really felt so silly. So small._ ~~

_But, I feel a little better._

_I want to believe he understands. I was thrown into this by Varen. By Mannimarco. While I’m grateful to be alive. ~~I’m glad I saved Tharn~~. I’m a simple woman. I’m delver. I’m a researcher._

_I’m not the Vestige. I’m not some hero or a savior._

_I don’t want to be._

_After we wake up, we’ll head to the Harborage._

_Tharn actually made that draught he mentioned seeing as I had neglected to gather the ingredients. Let’s see how this goes._

_~~And it tastes horrible. Tharn is trying not to laugh at the face I made.~~ _

~~_The things he does to me. I won’t ever go into details. But, I should be ashamed. **I’m not.**_ ~~


	32. Chapter 32

_The sleeping draught worked. Tharn said I slept well past what the draught intended for and he almost went to get smelling salts to wake me._

~~_Half surprised he didn’t leave me behind._ ~~

_We arrived at the Harborage mid-banter and I swear I heard Lyris’ soul leave her body._


	33. Chapter 33

**_Note to self_ ** _: Get Tharn some alcohol from Maux and Mere’s hidden stash on way back._


	34. Chapter 34

_I just got back from the Valley_

_It was an adventure._

_The bickering between these guys. I didn’t even attempt to get in between it. I can see why Tharn wanted a drink. I need a few as well._

_Destroying the sigil stones while the daedra were spawning in, sent them back to Oblivion. Thank goodness. We did have to fight a titan today._

~~_And I’ll need to agree with Tharn about putting important items in tombs when our enemy is a necromancer…_ ~~

_They gave me the ring and sent me back to the Harborage. I’ll procure some alcohol for Tharn and hopefully he can stop by._


	35. Chapter 35

_Varen projected himself in my room and was surprised to hear Tharn._

_I think I’m still drunk. Surprised I didn’t turn into a blubbering mess as normal. But the company must be an influence._

~~_I’m sore._ ~~

_Tharn doesn’t seem to be bothered by Varen finding out. I don’t know if I care or not. But, if he’s not worried, then I shouldn’t be._

_I better prepare for getting this amulet._

_I can tell it’s not going to be easy._


	36. Chapter 36

_I agree with Tharn about continually hiding things in crypts knowing our enemy._

_But Lyris and Sahan said ‘Shut up, Tharn!’ At the same time. I nearly doubled over with laughter from that._

~~_The looks Tharn is giving me are sending chills up my spine._ ~~


	37. Chapter 37

**_[entry is crumpled and stained with ink and tears and what may be snot]_ **

_ Well, now I’ve done it. _

_ I fucked up. _

_ I’m a disaster. _

_ Some hero they chose…! _

_ I’m pathetic…. _


	38. Chapter 38

_To clarify my last entry. We went to Sancre Tor to retrieve the Amulet of Kings. Mannimarco was there. Skeever._

_We fought through his undead._

_That was easy._

_We made it to the room with the amulet._

_Mannimarco was there._

_We fought him. **We won**. We actually won._

_Molag Bal spoke when he came to take Mannimarco._

_I lost it._

_I couldn’t breathe. The knot in my throat prevented me from breathing._

_My eyes welled up._

_I couldn’t see._

_Like my nightmares._

_He’s there._

_Tormenting_

_Torturing_

_I’m breaking…_

_Tharn helped me up. He held me. Gently for him. This is a mistake._

_Lyris almost threw down some punches, Sahan stopped her. She thought Tharn was taking advantage… I should explain that it was my decision. But, they don’t need an explanation for my free time._

_I was still in tears when we came back to the Harborage. Tharn took me back to the estate. He came with me. Papa knows now. Everyone knows._

_Tharn stayed. Uncharacteristically of him. Surely he had other matters to attend. But, I’m ever grateful. Astounded._

~~_This relationship wasn’t supposed to turn this way._ ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Press F in chat for Liselle


	39. Chapter 39

_I’ve stayed in bed for 2 days now. Maux has forced me in the bath like I was 4 years old._

_Tharn’s visited throughout both days. He doesn’t need to visit me. I’ve told him multiple times, he doesn’t need to stop by._

**_‘I’ve matters to attend, and I’m merely checking in on our Vestige.’_ **

_Though, I do rather like his company._

_I better actually get up and do something._

_I think I’ve mostly recovered from Molag Bal._

_Going back to Coldharbour another time is going to break me._

_At least Tharn’ll be there._


	40. Chapter 40

_I’m finally out of bed. I walked around the market. Varen’s summoned me to the Harborage. I should go._

_I don’t want to go to Coldharbour._

_I know we were all tormented and tortured there. But, I don’t know if I can do this._

_They’re giving time for Sahan to recover. While I have a relatively strong constitution, I’m not recovered from the last time._

~~_I feel bad if I call for Tharn to appease this anxiety. I’m relying on him far more than I should. I wouldn’t even call us lovers? Friends maybe? But… these are issues that a lover or potential spouse not just someone I mess around with on a frequent basis._ ~~

_I’ll ask for advice from Papa._


	41. Chapter 41

_I told papa about what happened. Everything. Coldharbour. My soul. The Planemeld. Everything._

_He held me so tight. So warm. I miss mama so much right now… Papa said I didn’t need to do it. But I had to be the one to make the decision. If the world fell apart around us. He’d be there for me regardless._

_I didn’t want to leave his embrace but Maux came in. Tharn’s came to retrieve me for the meeting._

_I better clean my face off and fix my hair… Maux led him to my room._

**_‘You look a dreadful mess, Liselle.’_ **

_I laughed. He indulged me with a hug and then hurried me along to get prepared for the meeting._


	42. Chapter 42

_I made it to the Harborage. I prepared myself as much as possible._

_Sir Cadwell had been kicked out of the cave. It upset me a lot. He’s been a big help to us all and they just throw him out here. He says he’s okay with it, I’m not._

_Haven’t even talked to them yet and my heart is already leaping out of my chest._

_Varen is glad the cult is gone. He went on for ages._

_Sahan thanked me again for saving him and wanted me to join the 5 companions officially. I declined. I understood why he wanted it but… I don’t want to be a hero and I don’t think any of them respects that._

_Lyris made a toast to felling Molag Bal._

_I noticed Tharn was increasing agitated. He finally had enough and yelled at them all._

_I had to sacrifice one of them, excluding Tharn since he knows the ritual ~~(I could learn it but I’m supposedly the key).~~_

~~_If they needed a soulless, could they not ask Cadwell!?_ ~~

_They all agreed that it wasn’t the time to make a decision._


	43. Chapter 43

_I don’t have to go back to Coldharbour just yet._

_~~I am ecstatic about that.~~ _

_I still have a lot on my mind._

_I’ll need to make a decision._

_I think I have one. But I’ll wait until then._

_In the meantime, Varen told me to enjoy this time. We might not make it back from Coldharbour. I should enjoy this time._

_I think I will visit mama’s grave._

_That’ll bring some peace._

_I don’t want to bother Tharn, but I would enjoy his company._


	44. Chapter 44

_I took fresh flowers to Mama’s grave. Spoke at length about everything that’s happened. I hope where she is, whichever daedra or aedra she decided to worship in the end… I hope she’s not in Coldharbour. ~~I feel even the Void would be happiness compared to that.~~_

_I walked back towards my estate. Surprised to see Tharn. He seemed shocked to see me in attire proper for my station and not the common frocks I normally enjoy._

~~_I’ll admit him eyeing me, makes me want to wear more of these gowns._ ~~

_He wanted to see how I was holding up._

_I’ll be okay._

_Anyways, I invited him over for lunch. Just the two of us, the books and he can partake in alcohol, but I shall pass today._

_Sometimes I wonder. Had Mama lived, would I be a proper woman in high standings with suitors at my door beckoning for me?_

_Or would I still be the same woman I am today?_

_As I get older, I find some slight comfort in doing nothing all day. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always be a delver and a researcher. No amount of suitors or comforts would take that away from me._

_The closer I feel I get to Tharn, the more I want to help him end the war. As someone who is minimally affected by it, this is a little shocking to myself. But stopping the Planemeld is the first task. I would love to travel to other places._

_I better stop before the food grows cold._


	45. Chapter 45

_After lunch, I took a walk around the marketplace with Tharn. We parted ways shortly after as he had business. Nothing major has happened between us in a few days. And I suspect it might’ve been my break down._

_~~I honestly do not blame him.~~ _

~~_I’m surprised he has even stayed this long with me._ ~~

_On my way back, someone portaled in front of me and I nearly screamed from the shock._

_Vanus Galerion approached me._

_I’m apparently needed to get these leaders to cooperate for stopping the Planemeld._

_Honestly, the nerve!_

_He also doesn’t seem to know my name?_


	46. Chapter 46

_I’m to be a diplomat._

_How do the leaders know about my accomplishments?_

_Let alone Vanus?_

_I can only assume that Varen and the others had a hand in this?_

_I’m to meet Copper at the Mages Guild and then talk with Vanus._


	47. Chapter 47

_The Skald-King said he favored the strong and bold. He is a Nord after all._

~~_But then started talking about my execution? Is this a typical Nord greeting?_ ~~

_I don’t know why they want me to do this? I’m not fit for politics. ~~I wish Tharn was here. He would know what to do.~~_

_At least Vanus agrees that it went well._


	48. Chapter 48

~~_We’re meeting Queen Ayrenn next._ ~~

_I’ve always wanted to meet her but of course being enemies._

_Queen Ayrenn is far more beautiful than any of the papers lead to believe._

_And she has more grace than the Skald-King though that’s not hard._

_She has shown more kindness towards me than she should as I am technically still the enemy._

_I would love to have a queen like Ayrenn._


	49. Chapter 49

_The leaders have all agreed to the meeting. I am to meet them all at Stirk._

_I had to excuse myself before we went._

_I needed to stop by home._

_I received an urgent summons! Vanus seemed to understand._


	50. Chapter 50

_Damienund’s returned home!_

_He’s been missing longer than me and he’s in such bad shape!_

_He’ll recover. We Yvette’s always recover._

_I had lots to discuss with him but, I trust Damien with every fiber in my body! I left the previous journals in his room so he can catch up._

_I fear something bad has happened to him._

_He refuses to look me in the eye. It breaks me up inside!_

_I bade him farewell and hopefully I will see him soon._

_It’s to Stirk I go._


	51. Chapter 51

_**They’re all big giant skeevered brain idiots!** _

_**The whole lot of them!** _


	52. Chapter 52

_I managed to convince the leaders to allow the Mages Guild and Fighters Guild to unite and fight against Molag Bal while they keep playing war with their citizens lives._

_The whole lot of them are **idiots!**_


	53. Chapter 53

_**[entry is crinkled and stained with tears]**   
_

_They call me a champion and the vestige!_

_Here I am crying!_

_Curse Molag Bal!_

_Curse his hold on my mind!_

_I feel so alone!_

_The Companions left this task to me._

_Why am I the hero?_

_The world is closing around me so fast._

_I want to give up._

_This is_

_This is what Molag Bal wants and_

_I fear I shall submit to this…._


	54. Chapter 54

_**[entry is crumbled and stained with tears and ink]** _

_Vanus helped me up._

_Wiped away the tears._

_Told me being afraid is okay._

_The others are here and they’ll handle the portals._

_I want to help._

_My body won’t move._

_It won’t move._

_It’s so cold._

_How is it cold?_

_Molag Bal?_

_Is it me?_


	55. Chapter 55

_They handled the portals._

_I don’t know how I’m going to handle Coldharbour…_

_Molag Bal is everywhere_

_I don’t think I can handle this…_


	56. Chapter 56

_They still think I’m some hero. I guess because I’m still here…_

_Still attempting this fight even though I’m petrified?_

_I’m just Liselle Yvette._

_Not the Vestige._

_Not the Champion._

_Not a hero._

_Liselle Yvette._


	57. Chapter 57

_**Oh Divines, Sir Cadwell is here!** _

~~_Spavento and Boris are here too._ ~~

_But Sir Cadwell._

~~_He had no idea what to do when I hugged him._ ~~

_But seeing him here is such a blessing._

_He’s agreed to help me. This wont’t be terrible._


	58. Chapter 58

_ I met with the groundskeeper. _

_ I don’t trust her. _

_ Seems Vanus has been captured and everyone’s been separated. _

_ She also wants me to save some Ayleid King. I guess… if I must, to help with stopping the Planemeld. _

_ To the West, she said. _


	59. Chapter 59

_Sir Cadwell doodled something for me. I must say I’m rather touched by it._

_He also wrote a poem to go with._

_He says this is how we shall go toe to toe with ol Molag Bal and he’ll be by my side the entire time._

_He’s been such a great friend and I believe I haven’t talked much in my journals._

_My mind’s all a jumble filled with my task at hand and filled with Tharn. I’m such a horrid friend._

_He’s helped me with my research back on Tamriel. Sir Cadwell that is._

_If I’m ever to be published, his name shall be in the book as it would not exist without him._

_I don’t think words can ever show or tell how grateful I am for this man in my life!_

_I’m glad he is here with me and I feel stronger and happier with him near. And Spavento loves him. But, he is Soul Shriven._


	60. Chapter 60

_We went west just as the Groundskeeper suggested. I found some of the Mages Guild. They’d been locked away in a library._

_Sir Cadwell knew the secret to the library since he visits here on occasion to read. He was a big help in this task._

_After we rescued them, Sir Cadwell took them back to the city. He met back up with me further west._

_I can’t seem to open portals here like he can. I would’ve helped him. Molag Bal’s defense must be preventing me from opening portals. ~~If we fail this task…~~. I’ll need to ask Sir Cadwell how he is able to freely pass between planes. It would be a nice thing to know._

_We found a Fighters Guild camp but it’s abandoned. There was a strange bosmer hanging about. We followed her. There was also lamia around as well. Apparently they’re fighting._

_They want me to choose sides and then they’ll help me get to where the Ayleid King is…._

_Why must the world torment me so?_

_After hearing both sides, I ended up siding with the Lamia. The bosmer understood and asked that I not harm her people when retrieving the eggs._

_I did as instructed and finally._

_Finally did they helped me!_

_Time to check out this ruin and save this king._


	61. Chapter 61

_We still need to find Vanus. I know we have pressing matters and not a lot of time, but I need to sit and relax._

_Sir Cadwell took me to his ‘house’. A comfy little cave near where I was teleported in._

_Honor was there and started playing with Spavento. Boris tried to play as well but being a massive bear puts one at a disadvantage._

_It was a fun few hours. Well deserved._

_I needed this._

#  _**Thank you, Sir Cadwell.** _


	62. Chapter 62

_I grow increasingly worried about Damien. He’s always been a wild one like me. But, there’s something wrong. I wish he would’ve said something to me. ~~As much as we tease each other and bicker and argue, he’s my brother and I worry for him.~~_

_I wonder if he got caught up in something and he’s stuck._

_I also hope the other companions are doing fine._

~~_I wonder if they’re here yet?_ ~~

~~_Do they know we are here?_ ~~

_I wonder…_


	63. Chapter 63

_It was a success!_

_I managed to summon a banekin to Tharn._

_He sent a response shortly after!_

_He’s waiting for good news when I destroy the Planemeld._

_There must be some easier way to communicate?_

_Banekins are fine for now. They’re easy and I only momentarily summon them ~~and soul gems snacks seem to suffice them.~~_


	64. Chapter 64

_I sent a banekin to the estate._

_I nearly screamed when Papa sent a projection._

_I tend to forget how strong Papa is. But was I glad to see and hear him._

_He always offers the best advice and it’s a shame I can’t hug him._

_I feel a lot better now._

_I feel like my head is clearer._

_You can do this, Liselle._

_You’re an Yvette._

_You’re from a family of eccentric mages and taking down a Daedric Prince is nothing._

#  _You are Liselle Yvette._


	65. Chapter 65

_I went east today with Sir Cadwell._

_Came across this man talking to himself. I’ve seen some people who’ve gone mad but, this man… he said he was merged with someone else. And then turned into a Khajiit!_

~~_I think Sir Cadwell was shocked!_ ~~

_I’ve been running around collecting the notes and fighting these undead._

_He made a potion!_

_Ugh, it tasted awful!_

_It turned me into a monkey!_


	66. Chapter 66

##  _Why must I choose between these two?_


	67. Chapter 67

_In the end I chose the elf._

_I… don’t have any reasoning and I’m at a loss for words._

_These decisions are hard…_

_But here we are fighting against Molag Bal…_

_I must face this reality that people will die._

_And I might have to choose who dies._


	68. Chapter 68

_I do have a decision to make when they use the Amulet of Kings. I’ve made up my mind but… I fear whatever choice I make, the people will hate me in the end._


	69. Chapter 69

_I’ve got another Light of Meridia._

_I’ve got a bad feeling about this._


	70. Chapter 70

_Fighting a lot of daedra at once. We all need a rest and I don’t think we will get it!_

_We saved a bunch of mages from a death sentence. Is this even a court? ~~I highly doubt any of it is just?~~_


	71. Chapter 71

> _We continued east._
> 
> _Found a projection of Vanus!_
> 
> _He thinks he’s fixed our problem. But I’ve a bad feeling about this!_

* * *


	72. Chapter 72

_Vanus had managed to get himself divided. This shall be an interesting task._


	73. Chapter 73

_We put Vanus back together. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy._

_But we made through the forge and to the anchor Vanus came to destroy… by himself. If we hadn’t come to save him…._

_Vanus worked on destroying the anchor. I offered to help, but… he said he’d rather I defend him._

_Boris and Spavento and Sir Cadwell could’ve handled the daedra._

_But I did as told._

_As soon as we destroyed the anchor…_

_Sir Cadwell told us about the Planar Vortex._

~~_I wish he’d told us earlier. Everyone thought this was it._ ~~

_We’ve got more to do._

~~_I’m so ready for this to end!_ ~~


	74. Chapter 74

_We stormed the Chasm. Sir Cadwell and I defeated Molag Grunda._

_The Chasm belongs to us._

_I managed to take a short nap before Vanus woke me up to get started with the next part._

~~_Maybe being this close in contact with Coldhabour or being this close to my soul Molag Bal has a less of a grip on it._ ~~

_Vampires are next._

~~_I don’t think I’ve met—_ ~~ _There was that one working for Tharn…_

_I have a bad feeling about this._


	75. Chapter 75

_Vanus wanted me to kill the vampires and help with the ritual to mind control them._

_A vampire matriarch of the Orchard, Virgar the Red, wants me to help the vampires break free from Molag Bal._

_I’ve made the decision…_

_I want to help them._

_No one should be forced to work for Molag Bal._

_Vanus was upset at my choice at first._

_But, I think this alliance can work._

_Virgar didn’t seem like she was planning anything to undermine and seemed genuine._

_Plus Spavento likes her._

_Spavento wouldn’t let anyone hurt me._


	76. Chapter 76

_Onto the citadel._

_I’m leaning against Sir Cadwell as he plays with his lute. It’s so out of tune, but the dissonance is rather calming compared to everything going on._

_I shall asleep here._


	77. Chapter 77

_A dremora approached the party. Both Sir Cadwell and I were shocked. Here was a dremora asking to lend aid._

_Of course both Vanus and King Laloriaran have decided she’s not trustworthy._

_But any daedra willing to lend a hand…_

_I feel like we need to accept her offer._

_I’m off to help unlock the fighter’s guild. I have to get a key._


	78. Chapter 78

_Her name is Lyranth. She helped me find a way into the citadel. I knew we should trust her._


	79. Chapter 79

_She hates that I’m asking all these questions. But Lyranth is very patient. I know she’s using me to advance her goal. But like she said. We both benefit from helping each other._

_Besides, daedra are rather interesting._

_Charming?_

**_Yes_ ** _._

_I like them very much._

_Daedric Princes???_

_**No.** _


	80. Chapter 80

_Met an odd merchant. Bha the bargainhunter._

_He made very good points about us mortals not choosing the same path and therefore he, as a daedra, shouldn’t need to go around killing everything in sight._

_I think I shall visit him again._

~~_I wonder how he’d feel if we could arrange an agreement with summoning._ ~~

~~_Maybe some hard to get gifts from Tamriel?_ ~~


	81. Chapter 81

_Unlocked the Fighters Guild hall with Lyranth’s help. I took a short break after talking to the king._

~~_I’m beginning to understand why Sir Cadwell likes Coldharbour so much if it weren’t for a certain Daedric Prince. I’d be okay staying here._ ~~

_I played a few games with Sir Cadwell before venturing back out._


	82. Chapter 82

_Ran into Lyranth again. She’s making jokes about my survival and her attitude is growing on me. She talked about me needing a key to get past the labyrinth. And here I’m beginning to think I was correct in helping her._


	83. Chapter 83

_Opened the Mages Guild._

_I have to get the key now._

_Hopefully Lyranth can help._


	84. Chapter 84

_As soon as I stepped outside there was a titan flying around. The mages and fighters alike are freaking out. It seems to be watching us. Not attacking._

~~_I don’t feel comfortable._ ~~


	85. Chapter 85

****_Lyranth is after vengeance. This Seris guy I need to kill is the one with the key and the same one that destroyed her clan._

_Sir Cadwell called her my friend. I don’t know how dremora feel about friendships but… she’s helped me and I’ve helped her. If the need should arise again, I wouldn’t mind fighting by her side._

_I am a rather foolish woman._


	86. Chapter 86

_The battle went swiftly. A lot easier than I thought. With Seris defeated, I’ve the key and Lyranth has her vengeance. I would like to meet her again, but she kicked me out of the pyramid because her friends might get ideas. ~~I know better, but I think she’d at least give me a fair chance!~~_

_I took the key to Vanus and King Laloriaran. They briefed me on the next task and I was further briefed by both Fighters and Mages guild. Then they had me choose from several people to take with me on the assault. They should all know better._

**_Why would I choose anyone else BUT Sir Cadwell?_ **

_With him, Spavento and Boris at my side. This should be easy!_

~~_I shall actually put this journal away and write before we destroy the Planar Vortex. Unless there is a moment I can safely put down my words._ ~~


	87. Chapter 87

_We made it through the Labyrinth. These odd mazes and puzzles and dead-end rooms. The guardians guarding the portals and entryways. This has been an epic adventure but alas, the groundskeeper is here. I don’t trust her still. But she tells me this may very be the last thing we will do. We may all perish._

———————

_This may very be my last journal entry. Should anyone find this, I am Liselle Yvette, a breton from Daggerfall. My father is Reyumal Yvette, Patriarch of the Yvette family. I come from a long line of mages and scholars and I’ve been very blessed this far with my knowledge of the arcane. If there is any hope, I would love for these journals to make it back to Nirn safely. Back to my estate._

~~_I wonder if I’m to perish when we destroy the Planar Vortex, who is to defeat Molag Bal? Will I even die because of my lack of a soul?_ ~~

~~_We shall find out._ ~~

_Abnur Tharn if you ever read this, know this… You’ve been a good friend until the end and I will dearly miss any time that we spent together. I, for one, neverminded the mocking, as it’s simple to mock you back. Please forgive this fool for becoming too attached. I’m okay with you thinking me a fool, because I am one._

_Lyris Titanborn, I know we haven’t been on the best of terms since Tharn came to us and I understand your dismay towards that. I can offer no explanation, but as frivolous as I can seem, I wouldn’t do these things without understanding the consequences. If he shall betray me, tis my own fault. I do hope you will forgive me and consider me your friend until the end. I’m so ever grateful for you rescuing me that day. I can’t ever repay you._

_Sai Sahan. We haven’t talked a lot because of the need to get the key and the amulet, but I do hope you recover from your time in Coldharbour. Your presence has always calmed me when things were getting a little hairy._

_Varen… you set me on this path and there have been times I have regretted this so. But, in the end, I decided to continue on this path. Thank you for your patience and guidance._

_Sir Cadwell. You may never read this as you are here with me and oh, dear sweet friend! I would have no other friend by my side as we save the world. You’ve been a many blessings and my savior and the truest friend to the end. I shall miss our chats over tea, your epic poems, your lute playing and oh, how I shall miss your goofy face! Please continue to bless Oblivion with your precious antics._

_To my dearest brothers. I love you all so much. Please remember me. Please forgive me._

_Papa. Thank you for your patience and guidance. Thank you for allowing me the freedom no other family would’ve given me. I may not be the high-bred lady you and mama had expected, but I am still to the very end an Yvette and I hope I’ve made you proud._

##  _I’ve things to do and I must go._

_Farewell._


	88. Chapter 88

_I… I survived. And in retrospect I should’ve known that._

_The Groundskeeper was Meridia. While, I’m thankful she is saving Nirn, how I dislike the Princes._

_I’m still shaking. Though, I’ve grown accustomed to the bite in the cold air, I’m freezing._

_Molag Bal was there and it took every fiber in me to not run. Vanus saw. Sir Cadwell was there. I know I’m not alone in this and I shall never be alone._

_We lost Darien Gautier and King Laloriaran. Both helped until the end and I shall remember them always._

_Though, we’ve stopped the Planemeld, there’s still my soul._

_Do we need to fight a Daedric Prince?_

_I suppose we do._


	89. Chapter 89

_I’m back in Daggerfall! I went to my family first and hugged them and kissed them and loved on them for awhile! To Mere’s dismay! Damien is looking a lot better than before I left. He read all my journals of my adventures this far. I left him the newer books as well._

_He seems to be holding back on something and I don’t want to pry. I do hope he’ll tell me what is eating him up inside!_

_My bed feels softer than it used to. Snowy is so affectionate. The servants have been kinder. I miss being home…. why did I ever leave?_

_I know why._

_My drive to learn._

_My passion to delve._

##  _Because I am Liselle Yvette._


	90. Chapter 90

_Varen has summoned me to the Harborage. I know I should go. We should go defeat Molag Bal while he is weakened from us destroying the Planemeld and Planar Vortex._

~~_I sent a banekin to Tharn… I’m a disaster. I’m an utter fool._ ~~

~~_I need the comfort right now._ ~~


	91. Chapter 91

_We met at my apartment. We talked about Coldharbour. About the Planemeld._

> **_‘I’m impressed you managed.’_ **
> 
> **_‘I half expected you to flee with your tail between your legs, Liselle.’_ **
> 
> **_‘That was merely one step though, we still have more to do.’_ **

_I’m a fool for continuing to go back to him. His straightforwardness. His bluntness. His knowledge. His prowess. They’re so addicting and I fear for myself. ~~I fear I am putting him higher on a pedestal than I need to.~~ Though, I’m not as versed in the arcane and I have loads to learn, I feel we could be equals some day._

~~_In the end, I fear I shall remain loyal to one that told me not to trust him._ ~~


	92. Chapter 92

_We spent most of the day in my apartment. I asked if he would rather move to the estate but he declined._

> **_‘This place is private. The bed is larger than the one at your estate. We’ve all the comforts we need here.’_ **

~~_I’m shameless._ ~~

~~_I’ve always been shameless._ ~~

~~_But I think this is all time high…? Low??_ ~~


	93. Chapter 93

_We’re finally going to Coldharbour to defeat Molag Bal. As soon as we stepped foot in here Tharn pulled me to the side. I still needed to make my decision and I told him I made up my mind and was ready to proceed._

~~_In hindsight I probably should not have pulled him down for a kiss but, I could not help it. If this was the end then, let me be selfish._ ~~


	94. Chapter 94

_**[page is crumpled and covered in stains and ash]** _

_I’ve my soul back. I’m over filled with so many emotions. I can’t possibly write them all coherently at the moment._

_Molag Bal is defeated._


	95. Chapter 95

_Now that my thoughts are realigned._

_We went through Coldharbour. Fighting the daedra._

_It came to the part where I needed to sacrifice one of my companions to use the Amulet of Kings._

_I chose Varen._

_I will miss him._

_But it seemed like the best option._

_I don’t have any particular thoughts on why I chose. But Lyris and Sahan have meant more to my life than Varen._

~~_Luckily, Tharn was needed for the ritual._ ~~

_After the ritual was done, the power coursed through me. I felt…_

_I have no proper words to describe what I felt._

_Invincible?_

_I felt like I could take on Molag Bal._

_Tharn chided me for hesitating … and I don’t blame him._

_I had the power to move the world around me._

_I don’t like this._

_But I think I understand why maybe I was chosen???_

_I’ve never been power hungry… and even when I held the power… I didn’t want it…._

_I needed it to defeat a Daedric Prince._

_And defeat him I did. I cannot kill a daedra and definitely not a daedric prince._

_Before I could deal anymore damage, the power faded. I felt so drained. So exhausted. Like you’ve been running on adrenaline and now the crisis is over. Your body just gives out._

_When I came to I was in another plane._

_Meridia spoke to me. Molag Bal spoke to me. A sense of relief washed over me when my soul became apart of me._

_Meridia also told me that Abnur Tharn ran off with the amulet._

_It would be of no use to him… but he took it. Took it and fled. I’m honestly not surprised. A little hurt that he didn’t even wait for me…_

_I’ll send him summons when I recover._

_I’ve bad feeling after everything that Molag Bal said to me… but I think if I stay out daedric princes businesses I’ll be okay._

_I do wish I could see Bha and Lyranth again.. perhaps one day._


	96. Chapter 96

_I’ve not written in days._

_Tharn is not responding to summon and I feel a pang in my heart when he banishes my banekin._

~~_I understand._ ~~

~~_I’m a fool._ ~~

~~_I’ll always be a fool._ ~~


	97. Chapter 97

_Cadwell saved Lyris and Sahan. I forgot to mention as I’m still upset at the cold shoulder Tharn has decided to give me._

_Lyris is going with Sahan to the Abbey to help rebuild it. I do hope they’re happy and I hope they will be happy there._

_I hope to see them again._

_Cadwell is hanging around the Harborage. I’ve invited him over to the estate or my apartment if he is ever here. He says he prefers Coldharbour and I understand. If I could guarantee my safety and my soul, I would visit him there. But I cannot and nor can he._


	98. Chapter 98

_I’ve spent enough days being a fool. ~~That’s the end of it. I can move on. I don’t need him in my life. I’ve things to do and it’ll not involve any imperial battlemages. I’ve more important matters.~~_

_I wandered around the marketplace today when a dog approached me. I’d seen this dog around and so I followed it. A dead body. A note. Asked a bunch of questions and on my way to talk to Captain Aresin, an assassin attacked me. A minor scratch. Poisoned but healing spell did the trick and a guard came to my aid. I swear… I should’ve not left Boris and Spavento at home…_

_Captain Aresin was rude at first, he probably thought I was there to bug him. Technically, I was there to do just that. I let him know about Roy and what information I found out and he sent me to gather more information. To the inn it was._

_I was prepared for an ambush the second time. Bested them and had them arrested and questioned this man. I had to look for Martine. Another attack by assassins. ~~Look I don’t even know what they’re doing, simply asking questions!~~_

_I found the plot to assassinate King Casimir. I hurried back to let Aresin know. Twould be a devastating thing for our king to be murdered. He may not be involved with the war as King Emeric, but he is my king nonetheless._

_We made our way to warn the king and he refuses to listen. Why can men be this way? ~~Women are like this, too and so am I!?~~ But, he’s a **KING.** While versed in swordplay he may be, he’s no fighting I can see that! Refusing to flee? _

_I ran upstairs with the king and protected him from Verrick. It’s a lot harder to fight indoors amongst finery with my spelle set. And not having either of my companions had set me back with these injuries! No matter, minor healing spell patched them._

**_The king is saved._ **

~~_I came back to my normal life, and here my nosey ass gets involved with this. No matter. The king is alive. I’m alive._ ~~

_I will be mindful of things I get myself involved with._

~~_As I look back to the beginning of this entry my heart begins to hurt. I’m holding back the tears in my eyes and the knot in my throat. I hate that I am attached. I hate this feeling so much! I want to see him but, he will not respond. You are such a fool Liselle._ ~~

**_~~They shall write about it in the books when they talk about the Vestige that bested Molag Bal. Offed by a broken heart! Laughable!~~ _ **

_~~I shall learn to deal with this as the last man I nearly married did nearly the same thing. Ran away from the relationship. But, he had more womanizing issues than stopping a war issues.~~ _


	99. Chapter 99

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thus begins Liselle’s adventure into Clockwork City.

_I received a summons from Divayth Fyr. ~~He’s heard of my accomplishments with Molag Bal no doubt.~~ I’m to report to Mournhold in Morrowind. I’ve never had the opportunity to go there and I’m honestly ecstatic about it._

_I stepped off the boat and was instantly greeted by the most wondrous sound. Silt Strider. Oh, if I could have one! They’re positively the most adorable creatures on this planet and their songs! They must be communicating with each other over long distances. Such large creatures oft do that. But, it’s a peaceful sound. Songs. I would love to see a wild one. One that has not been modified to befit the folk around them._

_I’ve been here for a mere 5 minutes and it’s already the greatest decision I’ve made. If I did not have to meet anyone I should wander around the country and take a gander at the ruins. These creatures are so positively wondrous! Not only the silt striders. I saw a nix hound puppy? Larvae?? It was cute I would like to procure one for the estate. Papa will be mad if I send such animals back, but how can he deny me such cute pleasures in life?!_ E ~~ _specially after everything that has happened to me? Is it manipulative!? Yes and I shouldn’t do that. But, imagine the estate with the songs a silt strider or the garden a constant messing because of a nix hound._~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I going out of play order? Sure! Do I care? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Nah! Liselle’s canon story isn’t very big. Main Quest, Clockwork City, the original fic I’m working on Coldfire Codex, and finally Elsweyr. This may be long and things might be slow for a bit, because now that she’s not saving Tamriel (yet), she can hold of on writing.


	100. Chapter 100

_Met with Divayth Fyr in the Temple of the Tribunal. I almost walked out as soon as he mentioned looking for someone to help with a Daedric artifact._

_I’m flattered he thinks I may be beneficial to his task. But, I think a lot of people fail to realize how big of a scale defeating Molag Bal. I may have been the one to deliver the final blow. But there were countless people around me to help. The ones that lost their lives…._

_Of course my scholar side wants to check out Clockwork City and I have the opportunity._

_I’m very torn._

_I wish to do nothing with the Daedric princes._

_He said he would meet me under a waterfall, if I wanted to go._

_Very well, I shall go with him._

_I will meet with him later at night. For now I shall go look into procuring a domesticated nix hound for the estate. Papa will be less than pleased but, Snowy shall need a friend whilst I’m away._


	101. Chapter 101

_The upkeep on a Nix hound seems a little too much and without me there to properly care for it, it will not thrive happily. I shall wait until I return home and perhaps find an older trained Nix hound that has outlived its usefulness. This is disappointing. I will need to wait longer until I can get one._


	102. Chapter 102

_I met Fyr under the waterfall. We made our way through a deserted dwemer ruins. ~~I’ll need to stop by and see them again or find another when I get the chance.~~_

_We soon came across Factotums. These humanoid creations made by Sotha Sil. I’ve seen a many great things in my life, but these factotums are simply wonderful. I’m more of a ruins and delving person but these creations are just magnificent! They’re capable of speech and set for certain tasks. These ones were guarding the entrance to Clockwork City. They recognized Fyr and moved to the side._

_We were transported._

_Fyr said this wasn’t right. Someone had messed with it and it brought us to the wrong place._

_I’ve a bad feeling about it all._


	103. Chapter 103

_Fyr lost his shadow._

_Is that even possible?_

_It happened but?_

_We saved his shadow._

_It took us through the Pneumatic Forge, that’s what Fyr called it. Despite having his magicka blocked off, this guy can kick some serious ass. ~~I wonder if he’d be willing to teach me some tricks~~._

_After he became one with his shadow, he took down about 20 factotums with a single fire wall spell. I can only dream of creating enough power._

_We left the forge and made it outside. Still had a ways to go but, Divines! This place has to be a dream?_

_I’m not a religious person and nor do blindly follow people ~~(save for someone I’m currently attempting to erase from my mind and it’s not working)~~. Sign me up for Sotha Sil. That might be sacrilegious of me. To simply become a follower simply because of this place!_

_And we haven’t even gotten to the Brass Fortress. I wish to live here._


	104. Chapter 104

_When we got to the gate, this woman approached us and made an attack towards Fyr. He seemed unfazed._

**_Luciana Pullo._ **

_One of Sotha Sil’s Apostles. Divines, she’s strong. ~~Divines, save my soul. Mara have mercy. Someone?~~_

_I have to find a sponsor to gain citizenship into the city and they already do not like Fyr, so I’m off to a bad start._

_A familiar face approached me. He told me about Provost Varuni Arvel might be willing to sponsor me, however I need to help these siblings._

_At this point, I might be tempted to fight a Daedric Prince again…_


	105. Chapter 105

_The siblings I met in the daedric library! Kireth and Raynor. Oh, I’m so overjoyed to see them doing well! I never mentioned them by name but I helped them on Coldharbour why we stopped the Planemeld._

_Kireth needed me to find her brother… again._

_I walked down to the oil pits below the city and found Raynor. He seemed thrilled to see me again. He needed help getting oil from these spider. They are dangerous and explode. He is not a versed fighter and relies on his sister. A lot. I killed the spiders and he harvested the oil we needed to give to Provost Varuni. For our citizenship._

_I shall make haste._


	106. Chapter 106

#  _**Mara, have mercy on my soul!** _


	107. Chapter 107

_I apologize for the last entry. I took the oil to Provost Varuni and once I laid eyes upon her. I lost the ability to function._

~~_Liselle, you are a shameless harlot._ ~~

~~_It matters not, I will control myself. But she is so beautiful. I thought Luciana was gorgeous._ ~~

~~_They both are._ ~~

~~_But…_ ~~

~~_My mind is a mess of how shameless I can be._ ~~

_She seemed impressed with my strength in a fight. But, I needed to impress her with my intelligence next… I could always show her my research journals. The professional things I write. The studies on the animals I come across? Once I leave her I do plan to observe some of the fauna on Morrowind._

_The Provost wants me to find information on these missing people, discreetly._

_That shall be easy._


	108. Chapter 108

~~_I can’t stop thinking about Varuni. For someone so high in ranking and she’s a very young dark elf…?_ ~~

~~_I need to find someone._ ~~

~~_I thought I had it bad with Abnur Tharn._ ~~

~~_Hopefully, it’ll pass and I’m just falling for another pretty face again._ ~~


	109. Chapter 109

_Neramo showed me how to control a skeevaton. I used it to collect data for him to look at about these disappearances. It was rather fun watching the little gadget ~~run… scoot??~~ skitter about._

_Managed to get the documents that Neramo wanted and then he sent me off to talk with Kireth. We’d already had suspicions over who was behind it but needed better evidence._

_I watched Kireth from a hiding spot as she talked Constable Baldan. She tried to get her sponsorship through him as a means through gold. I had a horrid feeling about this when she arranged this meeting and a glass pane and the floor separating us, I knew I’d be no help in saving her._

_We should’ve planned this out better._

_I ran into Raynor as I left and let him know. I’m surprised he didn’t see the Constable or the thugs pass by!_


	110. Chapter 110

_I asked around Slag Town for information. Talked with a beggar gave him some gold for information. He said he saw some people taking bodies to the Mechanical Fundament._

_I need to go there. But, I’m still not familiar with this_


	111. Chapter 111

_**This was highly inappropriate of me!** _

_I wanted inform Provost Varuni of our findings before going to hopefully rescue Kireth. But I needed to let her know where we were headed._

~~_I also may have said something inappropriate that made the Provost blush._ ~~

~~_I fear I blew my sponsorship now._ ~~

_~~There are other people to sponsor me if I ruined it with Provost Varuni.~~ _

_**Why can’t you just stay calm around people you find remotely attractive, Liselle. This gets you into trouble at some point and yet you keeping doing it!** _


	112. Chapter 112

~~**_I keep making mistakes!_ ** ~~

_I went back to the Provost to apologize for being so forward and I feel bad._

_I will stop and if I made her uncomfortable, I will find another sponsor. I would still help with Kireth because I know her and she helped me in Coldhabour._

~~_She was still flustered and was beside herself. She was flattered at the very least._ ~~

~~_I don’t think she’s ever needed to think about these shameful things I always think about. She’s so busy caring for the city and admiring Sotha Sil……_ ~~


	113. Chapter 113

_Provost Varuni is still going to sponsor me._

**_~~This shameless harlot still has a chance.~~ _ **


	114. Chapter 114

_Mechanical Fundament._

_The beginning of the Fundament was filled with aggressive factotums. I know they’re not humans but I feel bad I had to destroy them. But I made it to Kireth and she has made to the entrance by herself. She isn’t willing to leave until we find Lankin, a khajiit that was trying to get sponsorship from the constable._

_I don’t blame her for not wanting to leave him. He isn’t a fighter. Just like Raynor. I also wanted to save him._

_Hopefully we get to him in time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been playing Murkmire instead of Clockwork City. I prefer a more authentic feel for her journals so I’ve been replaying cwc for this.  
> ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ But I’m back to cwc now  
> Here to see Dad Sil and kiss Varuni and I’m all outta Dad Sil.


	115. Chapter 115

_We found Lankin huddled in a corner. On our way to escape I fell into an oil puddle? pit? I was covered in oil. But we made it to a safe area and Raynor has gathered the Proctor, the Provost and the Constable._

_Kireth and Lankin outed him. Thankful I had gathered that information beforehand and I gave it to Luciana._

_The constable is going to be questioned by Luciana. Varuni wanted to ask questions before Luciana and I had to keep a straight face because I can see Luciana not being nice about her interrogation._

_I talked with Varuni before she left. With the current events out of the shadows she is going ahead with sponsoring my citizenship._

~~_She seemed surprised that I thanked her and went on my way to talk to the registrar. I did want to kiss her but with so many people it certainly would not be wise._ ~~

~~_Maybe later…_ ~~


	116. Chapter 116

_Finally a citizen._


	117. Chapter 117

~~_While I was in the fundament earlier, I helped this exiled woman switch the souls? of this factotum and this other person. Apparently this is what sent her into exile??_ ~~

~~_It worked but, now her husband is dead._ ~~

_But this brings up the case of souls and soul transference._

_I’d mentioned it sometime ago to papa and my brothers. I’m still wondering if I actually got my soul? ~~Is it mine? Do I have it?? Was Meridia playing me for the fool I am?~~_

_Here I am, working with Fyr and this whole ordeal smells of Daedric Prince._

_I don’t mind the daedra. I have Spavento. I made a deal with Bha about summoning him, but I’ve no need to do that. Sir Cadwell is a soul shriven. He is technically a daedra if you go by the simple fact if he is killed on Nirn, his body should simply get sent back to Oblivion. ~~Plus as old as he is and how attuned to Coldharbour he is.~~_

_I would like to delve into this research…_

_I wonder if this is something Varuni would be interested in discussing?_

_Fyr as well. I could certainly get advice from him._


	118. Chapter 118

_Talked to Fyr after gaining my citizenship. He says Sotha Sil has been acting strange. He knows him better. I’ve asked a few questions and a lot of the workers seem to think something is wrong._

_They also are complaining. I don’t mind. Sometimes talking about issues helps clear the mind. Writing as well. That’s what this journal is for._

_They all seemed to praise me for working for Divayth Fyr. I’m perplexed by this because he’s not hard to get along with???_

~~_But, I’m also an eccentric person so…_ ~~

_Seems Sotha Sil has changed all the lights and requires non-factotums to operate them. Kireth let is know that there are broken lights in the Fundament…_

_Fyr wants me to take Neramo and investigate these lights._

~~_I honestly can do this by myself?_ ~~

~~_I’ll entertain them I suppose._ ~~

~~_Do they think because I bested a Daedric Prince that I only know how to fight?_ ~~

~~_Now I need to complain._ ~~


	119. Chapter 119

_Neramo and I looked over the lights and gathered parts. Neramo thinks it’s some sort of invisible light. It’s gotta be on another spectrum is all. I wonder if there’s a way for us to see it._

_We’ve brought all the parts back to Fyr. Neramo and Raynor will build it. Fyr has set up for Sotha Sil to giving a meeting. I’ll need to set up the light after the boys finish building it._

_In the meantime, I shall swing by to thank Varuni. ~~Appropriately!~~_


	120. Chapter 120

_I’ve gotten into the habit of unsummoning Boris. He tends to get in the way a lot, especially lately. He refuses to leave my side. I can leave Spavento unattended and she will be okay. She’s by my side if there’s danger. I need to learn more summons. Atronach maybe? I prefer lightning as my element. So perhaps a storm atronach…_

_I wonder if Varuni knows anything about summoning daedra. I’ll ask some day._


	121. Chapter 121

~~_Well, the beds here are not comfortable._ ~~


	122. Chapter 122

_I went to talk with Varuni after I dropped off the parts to the lamps. She’d mentioned she’d never seen some certain animals. I pulled some of my research journals. The ones about animals. ~~I’m actually quite embarrassed now. The amount of rejected journals I have on mudcrabs is almost laughable.~~_

_I was able to conjure up a few birds. Nothing will beat the real thing. I offered to take her around Nirn. At least my home in Daggerfall. Of course she declined. Sotha Sil is what matters to her._

_The topic of my summoning came up. I’ve listed off the things I can summon stably. The things I need to work on. And things I wish to summon in the future. I’ve told her about meeting Spavento. The banekins I have agreements with. Bha the dremora merchant, whom I only use to procure daedric goods and I only summon him if there is something of interest._

_I would like to meet with Lyranth and form an agreement with her, but I feel I will be murdered on the spot._

_Atronachs are what I want to work on next. Storm atronach to be specific. This is something I’ve never attempted. Varuni was intrigued by the idea but no summoning one in Clockwork City. No plans. I love this place._


	123. Chapter 123

_I took a nap. Well, rested. I said it before, the beds are uncomfortable. Fyr came to my inn room and let me know the lamp was complete. All we needed to do was plant it. ~~And by we I mean me?~~_

_Kireth let us know the area was heavily guarded now. Of course._


	124. Chapter 124

_How I managed to sneak up there with a clunky lamp and not get caught is something I’ll never understand._

_I took a seat in the back, ~~though I wanted to sit near Varuni~~ … I needed to flip the light’s switch._

_Sotha Sil was an imposter. A shadow. ~~Just like when Fyr’s shadow left him…~~_

_I chased after the shadow and defeated it. I come back and someone is yelling with Varuni. He left before I could say anything._

_Gascone was his name._

_Varuni was distraught. Sotha Sil turned out to be an imposter and this upset her._

_I helped back to her place and asked if she needed anything. I’d get her some food and drinks. I even brought some fur blankets for her. No one needs to rest on those uncomfortable things they call beds._

_I bade her goodbye. I needed to talk with Luciana next to find out where to go for Gascone._


	125. Chapter 125

_ For not having any wildlife, I sure hear a lot of crows. _


	126. Chapter 126

_I talked with Luciana Asked about Gascone. She has no clue where he could be. But she directed me to this tinkerer. I met with him. First he wanted to replace parts of me with fabricants, while that sounds nice, I’d much rather keep myself intact. ~~But if I ever needed to replace said body parts I think I could trust him. Would the fabricant parts work outside of Clockwork City?~~_

_He lent me his fabricant nix-hound to track Gascone. His name is Snuffler and he is rather adorable._

_I followed this little Nix-hound until we got to the oil pools. He lost the scent. But, oil trails everywhere. I managed to follow the footsteps until I ran into a woman. She seemed to be a devout Daedric worshipper. Night Mistress? There are several princes associated with night but… with the crows about. I haven’t actually seen one yet… but they’re loud and annoying._


	127. Chapter 127

_Had to battle my way through these horned daedra and not like dremora horns…. Goats?This is all annoying._

_He had the damned door locked and there’s no way to get it opened. I mean I could use a spell. Like I could make something up. Lava? ~~I don’t want to damage any other parts of Clockwork City.~~_

_I’ll find another way in. There’s got to be a back door._


	128. Chapter 128

**[hastily written note with oil stains and perhaps some blood?]**

_These daedra._

_They’re everywhere._

_After dealing with Coldharbour and the amount of daedra I’ve made friends with…_

_Even with Spavento here they still keep attacking me?_

**_This is all so stupid!_ **


	129. Chapter 129

_I made my way through this confounded structure! Fixed up an Imperfect! ~~I need one of these at home. Or at least, summonable one?~~_

_It makes a powerful punch and the beams of light. These are much more efficient than the dwemer contraptions I run across!_

_Though it did malfunction. Not its fault. If it’d been taken care of properly I’m sure it would’ve seen me through many battles._

_It finally fell in battle to an electricity trap. I’ll miss it._

_I finally made it to Gascone._


	130. Chapter 130

_He worked with Clavicus Vile and offered him a key. A daedric key._

_Is Nocturnal in on this? I don’t want to help anymore._

**_One daedric prince is enough… But two?!!!_ **

_He annoyed me and as much as I wanted to kill him, I opted to deck him in his smug face._

_Luciana came to collect him and I made my way back to the Basilica to talk with Varuni._


	131. Chapter 131

_Varuni’s calmed down a lot compared to earlier._

~~**_Mara preserve me._ ** ~~

_She’s seen the crows around the city. I find it… adorable that she thought all crows talked for a moment. They most certainly do not. T ~~hey can and will mimic human speech. Papa told me he had a pet raven that would recite parts of a poem. I know there are differences between a raven and crow. Nevermind these thoughts.~~_

_She wants me to investigate the crows and ask around._

_I’ve had a rather tiring day and I simply must sleep._


	132. Chapter 132

_One day my descendents will come across these journals and what they will think of me._

~~_A shameless harlot. It’s true_ ~~

_The closest I’ve felt to love has been with Abnur Tharn and look what happened. He left._

_I haven’t talked about it. I’m still hurt. I know what we had was purely physical at first. But… I thought there was a spark of something more. I see now, it was probably those fleeting adolescence moments. I’m 30… I know very well what I am feeling…_ **[ink splatters and scribbles bleed through to the next several pages]**

_I’m trying to move forward and, I’ll be honest, Varuni has given me some light._

_I fear if I go ahead with asking Varuni, I’ll not only ruin our friendship. I’ll break her heart._

_If she comes to me, I’ll need to make those terms clear to her. If she still wants to… explore this relationship with those terms.. then and only then will I agree to that._

_In the short time I’ve known her, she has made a special place in my heart. I do not want to ruin that or take it away. I value the friendship far more than any other feelings I may be having._

_I’ve certainly rambled enough._


	133. Chapter 133

_I talked at length with Varuni. She says she normally doesn’t give into feelings but once I voiced my opinions on her, she feels the same essentially. She’s agreed to the terms and we both have agreed if it starts getting too deep then we will pull out. The friendships means more than anything else._

~~_We are both delving into dangerous territory and we both know the consequences and I may actually pray to a divine that we’ll be okay._ ~~

_We both know I won’t stay in Clockwork City. I love it. It’s magnificent! And splendid! The factotums. The fabricants. The people. Everything is so wonderful. But Tamriel is my home. My time is short lived here._

~~_In retrospect, I wish I’d set up proper terms with Abnur Tharn. But I did not. Perhaps if I had, I wouldn’t be feeling what I am._ ~~

~~_I should not be thinking about him at this point. It is really unfair on me and more so on Varuni._ ~~


	134. Chapter 134

_I fear after one time with Varuni and I already feel my steel crumbling. **[the rest entry is ink stained and covers the rest of the page, likely on purpose]**_


	135. Chapter 135

**_[entry is written around a giant ink stain from previous entry.]_ ** _Left early in the morning to go talk to this constable about the crows. Varuni was still sleeping. So, she does sleep?_

_The constable was yelling at crows. The crows yelled back. They flew off but not before…_

_I feel bad for the constable now._

_He told me where I could meet with the crows._

_I was immediately berated and yelled at for being a spy. I should’ve thought this out more thoroughly before I lose a limb…_

_He needs a treasure… something shiny and then he’ll talk._

_Knave of Rooks is what he’s called._

_He really wants the constable earring. I doubt the constable will … willing give it up but…_


	136. Chapter 136

_He was upset I even suggested to take his jewelry to the crows._

_Remain calm, Liselle._

_I don’t like stealing and thieving but if he won’t help… I’m not going to apologize._

_He lives in public housing. A lot of other apostles and factotums about._

_I managed to get something of his though. Hopefully this will appease the crow._


	137. Chapter 137

_I’ve got a meeting with the Knight of Marrow. I wonder how these crows would feel about nicknames?_

_I had to find a poem for the Knight to woo his lady crow. I honestly just grabbed the first poem and went with it._

_Luciana is at the machine district because it’s rampant with daedra._

_I got a meeting with the Duke. Luciana wanted to come along because the amount of citizens she’s lost and I don’t blame her. At least now she can see how strong I actually am. Boris and Spavento aren’t for show._


	138. Chapter 138

_Knight of Marrow performed his poem to his lady. The lady crow loved it ~~and maybe this is what I’m doing wrong? Should I make a ballad for someone to gain their affection?~~_

_Finally have this meeting._

_Duke of Crows._

_He said he is preparing for battle with the Exarchs and I offered my services. To Luciana’s dismay. But, he agreed to help with finding the key if I do this._


	139. Chapter 139

#  **‘Channeling the arcane to defeat poultry’**

_I lost it. I absolutely lost it. Luciana cracked a smile. She’ll deny it! But, that was good!_


	140. Chapter 140

_I scared crows away. I must look rather ridiculous. Flapping my arms around to scare some birds._

_Knight of Marrow flew down after I scared the Exarchs off. Need to get rid of another creature for them._

_We fought through daedra. And our enemy was a metal scarecrow._

_I…_

_I mean they are still crows and though they can talk._

_I kicked it over and the Blackfeather crows flew over to us in victory._

_I know Luciana has gotten a kick out me making a fool of myself…._

_I returned to the Duke he wants me to do some more things. I have no other choice._

_Luciana is going to guard the door while I walk through._


	141. Chapter 141

**[the entry is smudge and there are what appears to be tear stains towards the bottom of the page. A couple of smudged fingerprints. A feather pressed with dried blood in between the pages]**

_Knight of Marrow was a good crow and while these birds were annoying at first, I’ve grown fond of them and Knight has been my favorite. I’m getting ahead of the events but… Knight will truly be missed._

_I had to help with the parley between then Exarch and Blackfeather. The Duke needed me to hide and pull levers to trick the Exarchs into believing he had control of the machines. Besides accidentally setting free a very angry machine, the plan worked._

_Flipping the levers also meant I now had to take the long way around. The same old fighting. At least they were machines and factotums._

_Knight helped me. He flew ahead of me and sometimes he came back and hitched a ride on my shoulder. The claws hurt, but it made us both happy._

_I shall miss him._

_Once we got to the key, Shadow Sil was there and took it. Before he took it… He turned Knight into this gruesome creature._

_After he got the love of his life… I shall break the news to the Lady._

_I’m really starting to hate these shadows! These daedra!_

~~_No offense to Spavento and the other daedra I’ve befriended_ ~~


	142. Chapter 142

_Breaking the news to Luciana that I lost the key was scary. But, we were interrupted by the alarm sounding. She said we could discuss later but she needed to leave._

_Before I went back, I went to inform the Lady of Knight’s fall in battle. It’s not much, but I did give her a feather if she wishes to remember him._

_The Duke has decided to help me with the next endeavour. He says I’m a part of his court as any of the other crows and I’m glad._

_I honestly do keep strange friends. But, I’m thankful._

~~_I need to talk about summoning them… After this all…._ ~~


	143. Chapter 143

_I went back to the Basilica. Divayth and Varuni are arguing over the existence of the key in the city. I may have lost my temper with them both. I feel bad now that I’m writing but…_

_Nocturnal’s key is in the city and Shadow Sil has that key and now we are all locked out. There’s no way of getting to Sotha Sil now._

_I have to go talk to Gascone now. Let’s see what he has to say._


	144. Chapter 144

_I talked with Gascone. He wanted me to go get his contract with Clavicus Vile. We don’t have time for this!!_

_He told me where I needed to go after I threatened bodily harm (his head is probably still ringing after it hit the bars of his cell). Also, there are certainly worse princes than Clavicus… I can find a new prince for him._

_I let Luciana know about there being two entrances through the Evergloam. She is taking the west end of the city and I’m to take the east end. I must make haste if we are to save the city._

_**I’ve had enough with the Daedric Princes.** _

_I was living a quiet-ish life with my research and then I’m sent to Coldharbour. Molag Bal has my soul. Meridia decides to ‘help’ us save Nirn. But, I do not trust her. I honestly do not think I have my soul. I don’t feel any different than after I was sacrificed._

_Now, we’ve got Nocturnal and Clavicus Vile… I only decided to help because of Varuni… Otherwise I’d leave._


	145. Chapter 145

_In the Evergloam. I’ve got to be quick with my notes here._

_It’s beautiful here._

_Knave is here with me giving directions and warning me of enemies._

_Watching the shrikes from afar turn people into ghosts._

_Gargoyles. Gloam wolves._

_Lots of ghosts._

_Lots of shrikes._


	146. Chapter 146

_Luciana was captured. Saved her. She thanked me for once._

_I’m honestly just so tired of daedric princes._


	147. Chapter 147

#  _I ~~may have~~ punched a god in the face today._


	148. Chapter 148

_To clarify my last entry._

_Luciana and I made it to Sotha Sil. We fought the shadow._

_Luciana held off Nocturnal’s darkness with the light spell she had. Thank the Divines. ~~Thank Seht?~~_

_Divayth Fyr showed up when I nearly lost control fighting off Nocturnal’s shadow._

_We saved Sotha Sil._

_We almost lost Luciana. I helped Fyr take her back to the Basilica to get help and I met Varuni know her Sotha Sil was safe and Luciana was back._

_Sotha Sil summoned me._

_He went on about my actions and wanted to give me a reward._

_I asked about saving Luciana. I don’t need a damned reward. I want my friend to be alive and well and I want to come back here to see her._

_He said she would die eventually and would there be a difference between then or now and I lost it. He may have been punched for saying something like that._

_I’m not sure it hurt him._

_You have the power to save her and then question me about what I want as my reward._

_He agreed to save her and dismissed me._

_I went back to talk with Luciana and Varuni._

_I let them both know Sotha Sil would be saving Luciana’s life because I asked for it._

_Varuni was shocked he allowed it._

_Luciana was shocked I wanted her to live._

##  _**Damn it all.** _

_She was only ever rude to me because of Fyr and she’s helped me a lot. We may not have seen eye to eye on everything but…. That’s no reason to let her die after we both sacrificed so much._


	149. Chapter 149

_I pulled Varuni to the side after talking with Luciana._

_She blurted out an apology before I could say anything. ~~Nearly losing Luciana and she realizes she may have had feelings for the Imperial. I only wanted to point that out to her. I would be okay with this.~~_

_It’s a sigh of relief._

_I can go back to Tamriel and not feel guilty. I’ll support her._

_I’ll come back to visit her and Luciana._


	150. Chapter 150

#  ~~**_I miss him still._ ** ~~


	151. Chapter 151

~~_I can’t cry over him anymore._ ~~

~~_I need to move on. Find someone else._ ~~

~~_Stop punching daedric princes and gods._ ~~


	152. Chapter 152

_I talked with Divayth Fyr. He’s amazed I recovered so fast from a daedric prince attack._

_I reminded him about Molag Bal and Coldharbour Assault._

_It makes sense._

_He says Sotha Sil wanted to meet and talk._

_Fyr feels like he won’t be able to come back. I better get this over with._


	153. Chapter 153

_Sotha Sil says he feels another daedric force outlying his city._

_I’m counting myself out._

_I’m glad I helped out here._

_I also finally apologized for punching him._

_It was the heat of the moment and I lost my temper because I needed Luciana to be okay. He seemed okay with it._


	154. Chapter 154

_I’m finally back in Daggerfall. I’ve learned to open a portal to the Basilica. I will certainly be visiting. I was so excited to return home. I wanted to share my adventure with Damien._

_Damien is off in Black Marsh. Lilmoth I think. He is going to return shortly. I hope he is doing better._

_For now, I shall wander around Glenumbra again. There are other ruins near by I could re-explore._


	155. Chapter 155

_After a good night’s rest, I made my way up to Aldcroft with Snowy, Boris and Spavento. I needed to get out and get back into Glenumbra. I always miss it here._

_I’ve been working on my portals. Leaving small gifts for Varuni and Luciana. Feathers, shells, dried flowers. I haven’t heard any responses from either myself but I asked the Duke about summoning him or Knave. They both agreed. They said Varuni loves the shinies I leave them. She also shares with the crows._

_Being surrounded by all the daedric energy in Clockwork City made it hard to actually tell if they were daedra. This makes it easy._

_Though I’m an honorary crow friend._

_I summoned Knave to Glenumbra. He went on about how it reminded him of home. He doesn’t actually fight, but his company is very appreciative._

_When I walked into Aldcroft, a guard captain recognized me as the King’s savior. She asked me to help find a recruit. He’s apparently lazy. I’d keep a lookout while I was around._

_Ran across another man. He’s said all the women from his caravan were taken._

_I guess it’s that kind of day?_

_I freed the women and ended up finding that recruit at another camp by the same bandit group. Freed him and helped him get his papers._

_Returned back to Aldcroft with him and after a tongue lashing from the captain he promised drinks after his punishment._


	156. Chapter 156

_I woke up with a massive hangover and next to that recruit from last night. I hope he doesn’t oversleep. I should wake him but I’m not._

_I’m going to head home maybe I’ll see if I can summon Sir Cadwell. And not **summon** him. Send a banekin to him and Honor. Tea in the garden sounds nice._

_It’s been awhile_


	157. Chapter 157

_Managed to send a banekin to Coldharbour. Sir Cadwell will be at my estate by noon. I told him I would get him from the Harborage but he said he knew where I lived._


	158. Chapter 158

_At least he calls me by name and not a title. Though ‘Fair Hero’ has a ring. I hope the neighbors enjoyed his lute. I summoned Knave. Of course, Sir Cadwell already mentioned how he felt Nocturnal on me._

_I told him about my adventure in Clockwork City. Fighting shadows. Going into the Evergloam. Fighting Nocturnal’s shadows._

_I told him I could take him there if he wanted. Clockwork City that is._

_Him and Knave made quick friends. Sir Cadwell didn’t need to scare away crows or fight a scarecrow to be considered a crow friend. Knave just knew. My menagerie of summons is continually getting bigger._

_I also learned to summon a storm atronach. I can’t keep them here longer than 20 seconds unless I banish Spavento or Boris. I’m sure I’ll be able to do this._


	159. Chapter 159

##  **[entry is a small piece of paper glued into the journal entry.]**

_These Worm Cult shits caught me again._

_I know I’m in High Rock still._

#  **_Shit._ **


	160. Chapter 160

##  **[hastily written almost illegible]**

Sending banekin to my brother. To Tharn.

Tharn keeps banishing them. Why do I bother!?

Damien’s on his way. It’s a long way from Murkmire. I don’t expect help right away.

They’re trying to exchange me for Mannimarco.

Laughable.

I can feel my bonds with my summons wavering. These damned chain are sealing most my magicka. It almost hurts.


	161. Chapter 161

##  **[Written in a proper journal. The journal is tattered and burn. Many pages are ripped out or burn.]**

_I met a xivkyn. Her name is Zyrvveus. She’s there to make sure I don’t escape. Not like I could do any magick. These things hurt a lot._

_Even if I could use magick, I’m not stupid. I wouldn’t blast my way through thousands of daedra._

_Before I went through the portal, I saw Damien and Abnur. As mad as I was at him, I…_

_Divines, it felt nice to see him…._

_I’m a fool…_

_Shameless fool._


	162. Chapter 162

##  **[Written in a newish journal without burns or ripped pages there’s a giant ink stain that span several pages hiding the next several entries content.]**

_I can’t muster the words well enough to explain what happened… but I was in Coldharbour. I was the champion for Molag Bal… Not for long._

_Similar to what happened to Lyris. I lost parts of myself and when Damien and Abnur thought they had every part they didn’t._

_I wish to never be under Molag Bal’s control again._

_We’ve also found out ——_

##  **[ink stain covers the rest of the page]**

##  **[written in margins]**

_Zyr has come to live on Tamriel. She is staying at the Harborage for now. She helped a great deal in Coldharbour… against her lord. He shouldn’t find his way to her if she stays there but… I worry…_


	163. Chapter 163

_I apologize for the last few entries. The ink bottle spilled on the entire journal. I won’t go into details but I think it’s for the best, no one needs to know what happened in Coldharbour._

_I had a long chat with Abnur. One thing lead to another as usual. I promised to help him with finding these artifacts my family has found. However, he can’t leave me again. He said he wouldn’t. But, I refuse to leave his side at this point._


	164. Chapter 164

_I went to find this stone for Abnur. I know I said I wouldn’t leave his side. But, I’m used to delving and divines, I’m glad I went with this group without Abnur. He would’ve done fine, but my heart wouldn’t have been to handle it._

~~_I’ve said it a million times now, but I’m a fool._ ~~

_Abnur seems to be tolerating me a lot better than before. I ~~know he cares for me more than he suggests or he wouldn’t have dared stepped foot in Coldharbour.~~_

_One does not simply walk into Coldharbour for an afterthought. Even if he was promised my family’s savings and whereabouts of ancient relics. Upsetting Daedric Princes is not something you do…_

_Also, Damien’s getting married! I shall portal to Lilmoth once I take this stone to Abnur. I haven’t met the argonian in question. But… I’m happy for my brother._

_Even after everything Damien told me pertaining to the Worm Cult and my sacrifice…_

_I’m hurt but I forgive him. He came to Coldharbour. He sought help in proper places._

_He’s changed so much after visiting Black Marsh and finding a spouse? He seems happier. Less angry…_


	165. Chapter 165

_It’s muggy. It’s sticky! It’s hot!_

_I love it…!_

_I can see why Damien loves it here…_

_Argonians are very nice and they’re rather carefree…_

_I can see how this helped Damien._

_And his new husband!_

_Positively adorable!_

_Very polite but I can tell he’s holding back because I’m Damien’s sister._

~~_Also met the others Damien works with…_ ~~

_Xukas is so darling… You can tell they care for each other so much!_

_And my brother almost speaks perfect Jel… He’s telling me what the other argonians are saying…_

_The village they live in… I would love to explore the xanmeer under it… It’ll need to wait when I have time._

_Abnur needs my assistance immediately and I better not keep him waiting long…_


	166. Chapter 166

_I’m back home for a moment. Bringing gifts to Papa and Maux from Murkmire. Hopefully Damien and Xukas can visit home to meet the others._

_Also, I’m itchy. I collected a few bug bites and there’s a nice scrape on my legs from falling into a xanmeer. I was too drunk to heal it at the time, and it seems to be healing fine._


	167. Chapter 167

_Abnur wants me to collect mushrooms so we can talk to a Khajiit… Dagaril-dro._

_He wants to find out the story of Khunzar-ri. But we need to find the storytellers. To help pinpoint where the location is on this map. On the stones I helped find._

_He said he’d come with but he’s got someone following him._

_I’ll be honest. I’ve felt someone following me too, since I found the first half of the stone. I didn’t want to worry Abnur or my family… Molag Bal could be after me still? Meridia? Any of the countless bandits I’ve encountered… I’m not worried. Spavento and Boris will alert me if someone’s too close. I do worry about Abnur though. He doesn’t have the ease of relying on daedra. No matter, I’ll be ever vigilant when I’m with him._


	168. Chapter 168

_Redfur Trading post._

_Listened to the moon-singer over some alcohol._

_We spent the night at the inn before heading out to the next spot. Wormroot Depths._

_Even when drunk, Abnur’s abilities are… the scrapes on my knees are gone thanks to him._

~~_Now if only he’d take care of these other marks…._ ~~


	169. Chapter 169

~~_I’m starting to worry about Abnur._ ~~

~~_He says he wants to reserve his energy, but he’s never not helped before…_ ~~


	170. Chapter 170

_We got the first triangulant. We argued almost the entire time in the ruins. About the shadow. About sticking close together._

_The puzzle. We argued about the damned puzzle!_

_As soon as we got the triangulant, he opened a portal to Baandari Trading Post._

_Next stop I guess?_


	171. Chapter 171

_When I say argue I guess I mean bickering. We’re not mad at each other._

_At least, I’m not mad… A little frustrated._

_Mainly at myself. The whole ordeal in Coldharbour._

_Being kidnapped again._

_Being used again._

_And my soul?_

_What soul?_

_Did I even have one?_

_I don’t fear for my life. But I do fear for the others…_

_I’m no different than any Daedra I’ve met._

~~_Maybe that’s why they seem to gravitate towards me…._ ~~


	172. Chapter 172

_Abnur calmed some of my fears before we left for the next ruin. He understands the frustration._

_He assured me he has no plans of dying soon._

_He meant well. But, it’s not being alone that scares me._

_It’s the pain of losing them. The process of losing them._

_All things die._

_I know that._

_I know that all too well._

_What do I do? Grieve and move on!?_

_Find someone else to lose eventually?_

_I’m making myself more upset now. I should sleep._

_I should be thankful that wherever my soul is, Molag Bal does not have it and I do not have any nightmares._


	173. Chapter 173

##  _**Second triangulant acquired.** _


	174. Chapter 174

_Off to Jode’s Light for the third triangulant. I feel our shadow getting closer to us. I think I’ve seen them… but they seem to always get absorbed into the crowd around us._


	175. Chapter 175

_I ran into our shadow. Lovely Khajiit by the name of Khamira. She’s a speaker for the Mane. Abnur isn’t here yet. Hopefully he’ll be here soon._

_His half-sister is looking for the same weapon as us._

_Khamira wants us to destroy the weapon. I for once am unsure of my stance on this. I want the war to end. I want to help Abnur achieve his goals._

_But Khamira has a point. Maybe this weapon is a bad idea._

_But to destroy it?_

~~_Khamira must not know our relationship well if she thinks he wouldn’t at least listen to my thoughts._ ~~


	176. Chapter 176

_He knows what to say to win me over._

_He’s been talking about my magic control lately too._

_**You’ve gotten better at controlling that… thing.** _

_**Perhaps it would go fast if you changed to this spell rather than that one.** _

_**You could always summon that beast of a Xivkyn. She would certainly enjoy that.** _

_Zyr would love it but, I’m not risking Molag Bal finding her yet._

_We’re searching for the final triangluant. Hopefully_


	177. Chapter 177

_We took a short break after finding the final triangulant. Trying to find where we need to go while drunk was interesting. But, we managed to solve it together._

_Hopefully, this can be over with. I haven’t had a break…. an actual break since before the Planemeld._

_Spending time in ruins, researching and solving things has really opened my eyes._

_I merely thought I was attached to him… inappropriately but… no._

_There’s more than just physical here._

_He already suspects things, I know._

_He’s read my journals, while trying to find clues about the daedra I’ve summoned._

~~_I’m sure he will sneak a peak in here when I’m not paying attention._ ~~


	178. Chapter 178

_We had company at the Hall of Colossus. Not only Khamira. Euraxian soldiers as well._

_Khamira tried to stop us again. I reassured her that if the weapon was of no use to us, we wouldn’t let Euraxia get control of it. That of course is the truth._

_A captain of Euraxian forces put up a fight. Release poison in the chamber. I helped hold up a shield while Khamira looked around for something to stop the poison. Boris and Spavento kept the skeletons off us, because of course there are necromancers involved._

_She found a panel and stopped the poisoning. I blew away the smoke with a spell and solved the puzzle._

_There are so many soldiers about. This is ridiculous._


	179. Chapter 179

_We came to a dead end and the only path was down. So, being the natural born climber, I climbed down the hole. Only for Abnur to chide me about not waiting for his portal._

_Climbing down the hole was easy and I’m used to delving and climbing so… Khamira seemed put off when I kissed his cheek, I don’t think she realized yet? Amusing considering I certainly smell him on my own jerkin… At least he was thoughtful enough to mention the portal… He could’ve told me before I clambered down but… I’ll forgive this once._

_We solved another puzzle. Saw the murals of Khunzar-ri’s story._

_Dragons._

_There are dragons._

_The ruins had them everywhere but…_


	180. Chapter 180

_We fought the captain while Abnur tried to keep the gate closed._

_But it didn’t work._

_We released dragons._

_Khamira has every right to be mad at this._

_Abnur is going to stay and help Elsweyr. He said he’d send for me when he needed me if I had other matters to attend._

_But, I’m not leaving his side._

_He agreed._

_I’ve honestly…_

_I’ve never felt safer than with him around._

_Even though the dragons attack, he protected me… as well as Khamira._

_This isn’t going to be easy…_

_But, we can manage with the two of us._

_Certainly, Khamira will help as well._

##  **_There are dragons in Elsweyr._ **

##  **_What else can I do to save Tamriel?_ **


	181. Chapter 181

_After a long and lengthy discussion with Khamira, Abnur and I retired to his tent. We would head to Riverhold in the morning._

_But for now…._

_We’ve got some alone time. A lot to talk about now that Khamira is gone…_

_He seems so tired. He always has the energy for me… and I told him if he was tired we could rest. I know some restoration and have been practicing._

_He says he’s fine._

_He’s mainly tired of this war… never tired of me._

~~_I’m a fool._ ~~


	182. Chapter 182

_We made it to Riverhold. On our way here, Abnur and I felt a lot of energy around the city. Hopefully it’s not the Euraxians already? We met up with Lord Gharesh-ri, another speaker for the Mane. Abnur wanted me to check out the power surges and come back. He wanted to discuss tactics with Khamira and Gharesh-ri. I hesitated but complied. He reassured me that he would be okay._

_I’ve never been a clingy person but…_

_I want nothing more than to stay by his side. This is…_

_A new feeling and I think I should talk with him about it again…_

_I’m not supposed to be this kind of woman…_

_I’ve…_

_I never wanted to attached to one person._

_I fear what’ll happen to him. To us…_

_I better leave before he chides me…_


	183. Chapter 183

#  _Of all the idiotic things!!_

_Zyrvveus left the Harborage!_

_She’s here with Sir Cadwell!_

_The power surges were him opening portals trying to find this headstone!_

_I am glad to see Sir Cadwell so shortly!_

_But!_

#  _Zyr!_

##  _It’s not like I can hide a xivkyn??!_

~~_We could try alteration?_ ~~


	184. Chapter 184

_A dragon flew over head as I talked to Sir Cadwell. I ran towards the direction it came from._

_A khajiiti camp. Skeletons. Zombies. Freshly raised corpses._

_Abnur was there. He used too much magicka to save as many as he could. He managed to yell at Zyr for coming here. Zyr just heaved him and took him to safety._

_I went to gather documents and help save some others that had gotten trapped in the mayhem._

_After I helped, I went back to Riverhold._

_We need to rest. Abnur needs to rest._

_This has to be build up of doing so much in Coldharbour._

_Damn it all to Oblivion!_


	185. Chapter 185

_I almost had Zyr knock Abnur out… he insisted on helping more after fending off a dragon!_

_No no… Zyr and Sir Cadwell will keep him company while I go find this necromancer._

_It took me awhile to find the mine that this power was coming from._

_Khamira is here… I tried to send her back to Riverhold but she wouldn’t go. She needed to seek revenge for her fallen comrades. She’s capable at fighting and I kept an eye on her._

_We defeated the Necromancer and a dragon appeared!_

_Mulaamnir wants Abnur and I to leave Elsweyr. I suppose this is his way of allowing us to get a free pass for releasing him… I have no intentions of leaving Elsweyr but I told him I’d let Abnur know._

_Khamira is going to stay here and give her comrades proper rites and told me to head off to let Abnur and Gharesh-ri what happened._

_At least one necromancer is down…_


	186. Chapter 186

_I made it back to Riverhold. Sir Cadwell is outside headquarters. He seems to be confused. He’s having visions or dreams he’s not sure. But he keeps talking about the Betrayer. And his head?_

_I do hope he is ok? I told him to talk to me the next time it happens️._


	187. Chapter 187

_I knew Abnur was going to let us stay. He thinks its out of fear? What does a dragon have to fear from us?_

_He seems to be feeling better after we forced him to rest. I’ll be sure to comfort him later. But first we need to deal with his half-sister. It’s her fault and we took out one of her necromancers but she has more and also has the dragons. Though the dragons don’t see her as an ally️. A puppet._

##  **_This will be problematic_ **

_I suggested a parley, half joking because this is a Tharn we are dealing with. He liked the idea and agreed. I would be his personal valet._

_Apparently Euraxia can’t resist a pretty face… Well, I’ll certainly act the part for him. There was a rather… revealing outfit I see dancers wear. I should wear something more professional, but there would be no fun in that. I’ll play the part._

~~_Perhaps it’ll help with the parley, if not at least the outfit will have other uses️._ ~~


	188. Chapter 188

_Abnur took me on a tour of Rimmen. Euraxia’s done a good job of hiding the inequality in a bustling city. Forced labor. Fur tax. Weapons aimed at the city. A vile and disgusting woman._

~~_I best remain on my best behavior️._ ~~

~~_Also, I could tell Abnur struggled to keep his hands off of me. I was a little bothered he didn’t make a detour to the inn. We headed to castle. More pressing matters._ ~~

_We ran into another necromancer. Zumog Phoom._

_He had Sir Cadwell’s head…. well._

##  **_Sir Cadwell’s previous head!_ **

_I refuse to believe they’re the same person now. The Sir Cadwell I know and love would never act like whatever this disgusting creature is… ~~If I was more prepared I would’ve beat that orc upside his head and gotten rid of this non-Cadwell.~~_

_The necromancer let us in to see Euraxia_

**_Abnur’s more handsome._ ** _In fact even if Euraxia wasn’t a vile woman, I still wouldn’t give her a second glance. ~~I’m generally not a picky woman…~~_

_The worst part was talking to her. She didn’t want to talk to Abnur… figures. I did my best to let her know about the dragons and trying to get her to let go of the city. No. She wasn’t having it._

~~_Threatened me with private interrogation. I shuddered at the thought._ ~~

_Abnur teleported us before they could attack us. With the protections and wards, he only managed to bring us to the sewers it seems._

_This little bit of magic wore him out…?_

_I’m so desperately worried…._

_Before we left, we found out that the Euraxian forces planned an attack on Riverhold and attacked an adaptorium…_

_I need to get Abnur back to a bed, then I will worry about the adeptorium._


	189. Chapter 189

_Forced Abnur to bed. Made that sleeping tonic he made me all those months ago. I feel bad forcing him to rest but…_

_Hopefully this will help._

_I let Gharesh-ri and Khamira know what we found out so they can prepare the town._

Sir Cadwell was not here and I wanted to let him know the reason behind his visions.

##  **_Damned Non-Cadwell._ **

_I better head off to the adeptorium._

**_Do I take Zyr or leave her?_ **

_Abnur is finally asleep. It’s not as strong as one would normally make it. He only needs a few hours so. He should be okay when I get back._

_I’ll leave Zyr in case he tries to do anything._


	190. Chapter 190

_I made it to the adeptorium. It was closed off due to the Euraxians. So I had to find a way in through a cave. It was crawling with Euraxian Soldiers and the undead._

##  **_Why was Abnur’s half-sister such a vile creature?_ **

_I ran into a khajiit, Zamarak. He helped me get through the adeptorium._

_I tried to save the Grand Adept but I was too late….I at least got vengeance for her. The other adepts have agreed to help protect Riverhold. I must return to see how Abnur is doing. Hopefully he has rested._


	191. Chapter 191

****_Abnur woke up while I was away. He didn’t do much besides yell commands. Zyr watched him._

_Khamira wants me to stake out the area in search of an ambush._

_Zamarak wanted to show me the way out of the city and towards the farm he heard commotion at._


	192. Chapter 192

_Saved the Khajiit at this farm. It was crawling with soldiers. So close to Riverhold!_

_How did they sneak passed all of us? There are smaller camps nearby. Nala-do wants me to destroy their supplies and scare the horses._

_I can do that._

~~_I’d much rather bring the supplies back to the city for us to use but… there’s no time for that._ ~~


	193. Chapter 193

_Camps destroyed. Horses spooked away. Nala-do sent me to help set up traps with Sir Cadwell._

_There was an explosion. When I ran towards it, Sir Cadwell laid on the ground covered in soot. I had to stifle my laugh. His pot helmet had fallen off._

_I helped set up the traps and Sir Cadwell started to have a vision._

_He…._

_He’s seeing things from the Betrayer’s eyes._

_The Non-Cadwell._

_He’s come to the realization that he is the Betrayer. He knew he was a knight when he was alive but… not like this. He loves the khajiit now and…_

**_The necromancer’s on his way to Riverhold and it’s in his sight. Sir Cadwell teleported us to Riverhold. We nearly scared Khamira, but we warned her. Just in time._ **


	194. Chapter 194

_The necromancer kept raising the dead soldiers. Zamarak and I ran around the city praying to the shrines. Blessing Riverhold._

_It stopped the dead. But…_

##  _**Not the dragons.** _


	195. Chapter 195

_I killed a dragon. No one will remember this feat. ~~I don’t mind.~~_

~~_You can’t really kill a dragon, can you?_ ~~

_The dragon is defeated nonetheless._

_I fear I’ve expended a lot of my magicka. Luckily Zyr was there to help. I believe seeing her help me relieved some of the khajiit that were apprehensive around her. At least, she can freely walk around Riverhold. I’m not sure if we can get her to Rimmen._

_I shall rest now. Rest with Abnur. This is all so exhausting._

**_~~It’s our fault.~~ _ **


	196. Chapter 196

_Khamira is the rightful Queen. I needed to sleep so it left my mind. I feel better after sleeping. Abnur is… I’m still worried. He’s still asleep. He hardly sleeps this much. I wonder if it has to do with the amount of magick he used in Coldharbour…_

_We have a plan and need a way into the castle to overthrow Euraxia. Hopefully someone can get the key to the castle from the sewers. If all else fails, Zyr can certainly destroy the door. There’s also Spavento and Boris. They could run a diversion. As neither of them can truly die. It takes a week for Spavento reform in Coldharbour. Boris is… a conjured bear._


	197. Chapter 197

_Khamira came back with the key. We’re off to Rimmen now. If we didn’t need a small army, I would’ve opened a portal. Abnur and I shared a horse and rode straight to the rendezvous spot. The sewers we left the castle after our failed parley. ** ~~Not the romantic getaway I was promised on Rimmen.~~**_

**[written on side with a different handwriting]** There’s a nice suite I’ve been looking into. If that interests you, Liselle?


	198. Chapter 198

_Cadwell is here with us. He wants to stop the Non-Cadwell from becoming whole. At least he has a somewhat positive attitude about this._


	199. Chapter 199

_Nala-do and Khamira are going to destroy the siege weapons. Abnur and I are meeting at the sewer entrance. Along with Sir Cadwell, Zamarak and Zyr. I do not want to trek through the sewers again. But a nice long bath afterwards. Hopefully we have time._


	200. Chapter 200

#  _Siege weapons are destroyed. Time to move._


	201. Chapter 201

_We (Zamarak and Nala-do) made our way through the sewers and the crypt. Khamira’s parent’s graves have been disturbed._

~~_**What a vile woman!** _ ~~

_We were stopped by that vile necromancer and the Non-Cadwell. Nala-do and I put a stop to them while Zamarak found a way to open the gate._

_I’m glad I left Zyr in charge of Abnur’s wellbeing._

_Ran into Sir Cadwell as well!_

_They were doing some kind of ritual! Put a stop to that._

_He’s fine… I think. He’s a little worn out. But I think he’ll pull through._

_Before I made my way to the courtyard, I made sure he was okay._

_Ran into Abnur. Literally ran into him. ~~My head still hurts from the plating on his armor. He can’t wipe that smirk off his face.~~_

_We faced Euraxia._

_Nala-do protected Khamira. I tried what little restoration magick I have…_

_Euraxia brought the queen and king to life. Put up a damned shield and had them fight me._

_Abnur worked on her shield. I protected Khamira. Zyr went to follow the dragon._

_The shield went down in an explosion._

_Abnur hit his head pretty hard. He seemed okay. Drained. In pain._

**_~~Vile woman.~~ _ **

_She continued to summon atronach._

_I kept a shield up over Khamira and Abnur._

_Euraxia wasn’t going to take any more lives today._

_I killed her._

**_A vile woman like her doesn’t even deserve death._ **

_After I was sure she was dead, I rushed over to Abnur and helped him up. Just sore and drained. Quick healing for minor wounds._

_I rushed to Khamira who’d finally stopped crying. No time for mourning._

_She wouldn’t let me look her over for wounds._

_I felt my body collapse._

~~_I used too much magick. It must’ve freely left during my attack. So much rage went into those attacks._ ~~


	202. Chapter 202

_I used a lot of magicka. Nearly depleted my resources. Passed out. Considering Abnur hasn’t passed out, perhaps I am the one that needs more rest._

_Abnur and I have a private room in the castle now. Soft pillows, fresh fruit. If there wasn’t so much turmoil going on…_

_We were able to **‘relax’** the entire day while mulling over documents from Euraxia’s study._

_Looks like they are trying to find the dragonguard?_

_No matter._

_I’ve got a date with these pillows and Abnur. Some nice Khajiiti sweet wine._

_We’ve been so busy with moving and protecting. We need to relax a little longer before we move on to the next task._


	203. Chapter 203

_We need to find this Prefect Calo. He’s one that’s mentioned in a few reports. Abnur and I are sneaking into this manor._


	204. Chapter 204

_He wants to help us. He went against Euraxia’s orders and has been kept prisoner. He promises to help us._

_Abnur is willing to trust him so… I think we should be okay._

_We’re going back to Rimmen to do a truce._

_Then I’ll go get Zyr and we’re headed to find the dragonguard._


	205. Chapter 205

_Met with Zamarak in the Stitches. Found some dead assassins. We followed the trail of bodies and found a hidden ruins. There are Euraxians here, so we must be on the right path._

_We found more soldiers inside. The way we needed to go was warded so we had to fight through more Euraxians. Also had to go through traps._

_We found an old man fighting Saulinia, the assassin Euraxia hired. I fought her off but it was too late for the old Dragonguard. He gave us the key to get rid of the ward on the door._

_We got the Horn of Anequina._

_I better take this back to Rimmen._


	206. Chapter 206

_I made it back to Rimmen. Sir Cadwell and Abnur were standing outside the castle. Sir Cadwell was having a vision when I came up. More stuff about the necromancer._

_Abnur sent me into see Khamira. I gave the horn to Khamira. Abnur came back in. Sir Cadwell went with Zyr._

~~_Abnur and I went to our private suite in the castle. Cuddling with him is the best._ ~~

~~_The only medicine I need._ ~~

~~_I always feel instantly better when he is present._ ~~

~~_I let him know._ ~~

~~_For once…_ ~~

~~_He agreed._ ~~

~~_This is exactly what my heart wanted to hear._ ~~


	207. Chapter 207

_Abnur woke me up because Sir Cadwell was having another vision and this time it was lasting longer. Because he liked me best, they got me._

_I got to him and he was telling me what was going on and who was there. But not a location._

_He ripped open a portal and jumped through. Abnur grabbed me before I jumped through. Zyr went through for me._

_Abnur traced the portal and knew where to go. This was the worst idea Sir Cadwell had. He’s exactly the one thing the necromancer needs!_


	208. Chapter 208

##  **_[entry is tear and ink stained. A couple smudges to wipe away either.]_ **

_I’m at a loss for words right now. Sir Cadwell is…_

_He’s gone._

_My dearest friend._

_Disintegrated._

_Abnur is holding me as I try to write what actually happened. I can’t…_

_This hurts._

_Abnur assures me he will be okay. He’ll reform in Coldharbour._

_He’ll come back._

~~_But I fear he won’t._ ~~

_I’m scared of this._

_Losing people._


	209. Chapter 209

_A bath and a meal with Abnur calmed me down. ~~At least he still chided me for my foolishness. Someone has to.~~_

_Zyr went to Coldharbour and I fear I will lose her too now. She will let me know of news of Sir Cadwell._

_At the ruin. Zumog Phoom took Sir Cadwell’s essence. Whatever traces of a soul he had. To bring back the Betrayer. The Non-Cadwell._

_Abnur portaled ahead to distract the necromancer._

_Calo and Zamarak were both caught. Reliving ‘nightmares’. Mine would be Coldharbour and I know it. I helped save them._

_Abnur managed to get caught too. I think this actually affected him. He says it wasn’t a real memory, but he seemed shaken by it at the time. ~~This mission really set us both back, mentally~~_

_I faced Zumog. I’ve fought many necromancers… none so willing to sacrifice themselves._

_It was in vain…._

_The Betrayer. **The Non-Cadwell** came back to life._

_It’s so hard seeing the lovable friend I know… talk the way he did. It’s his voice. His face. Less soul-shriven but… He portaled away._

_We were all drained and tired. Sir Cadwell fell over._

_He apologized. He left us with parting words. Khamira had the key._

**_And he was gone._ **

~~_And it’s still hard to write this._ ~~


	210. Chapter 210

_Abnur told Khamira about Sir Cadwell’s parting words and helped her with solving that puzzle._

_He’s barred them all from talking about Sir Cadwell. While I know he means well… and it’s rather endearing. I’ll be okay. At least he hasn’t tried to whisk us away and forget this problem._

_After all…._

#  _I’m Liselle Yvette._

**_Vestige. God Puncher. Daedric Prince Vanquisher._ **

_With or without my soul._

_I’ll be okay._


	211. Chapter 211

_There was a commotion outside. I watched from the window. A celebration. A wedding? I asked Khamira if that’s what was going. She said it was a more traditional wedding._

_Everyone on both sides of the family and even the city celebrated the union. The couple are paraded on a chair together. The dancing and drinking went on for hours. The newlyweds disappeared before the party was over._

_When Abnur came to the suite. A whirlpool of emotions came over me. He came over to see what I was looking at._

**‘Ah! The famous Khajiiti weddings. Terribly long. Terribly fun.’**

**_‘I want one.’_ ** _It slipped out of my mouth before my brain registered what I had said._

_Abnur looked at me… Pulled me close before I could even apologize for saying something._

_I’ve never been embarrassed in my life and I fear my cheeks are permanently red at this point._

_I still have a lot to process…Abnur makes it difficult when he drags me over to our bed._

_The soft pillows engulfing us both._

_I still feel the blush on my face._


	212. Chapter 212

_We spent all night and most the morning together. We need to go to the ruins where the Non-Cadwell is…_

_I long to waste the day away in bed for once, but it’s the company in my bed. It’s Abnur Tharn that’s making me feel these emotions I thought I’d locked away._

~~_I fear he may be doing this out of pity because of Sir Cadwell._ ~~

~~_I shall accept this for now._ ~~


	213. Chapter 213

#  **_Sir Cadwell is back!_ **


	214. Chapter 214

_There was a dragon outside the shrine. Abnur wanted to stay out, but I can’t afford to lose him as well. Zamarak as well. Through the ruins we went._

_Followed the spirits of the old khajiit. Learned about the old legend and what the Non-Cadwell did._

_We came to the moon gate. Non-Cadwell was doing the ritual to open the gate._

_With help, we managed to defeat him but … the ritual started and… the moons moved closer to eclipse position. We need to move fast to stop this. We need to head to the moon gate. And we need to head there fast._

_Before we left a portal opened._

##  **_Sir Cadwell!_ **

##  **_Zyrvveus!_ **

_I hugged them both!_

_I kissed them both!_

_Sir Cadwell looks so good!_

_Zyr is less impressed but!_

_I’m so glad they’re back._

_We took the portal to Rimmen to rendezvous and prepare for the final battle._


	215. Chapter 215

_We know where to go at least. Khamira is rallying her forces together along with Calo’s and then we head to the gate. I sat with Abnur while he drank and wrote in his journal._

_He has yet to let me look inside. But as I’m currently curled in his lap… I could very well sneak a peek. I won’t. He says all he wants to my face… he says more than he needs._

_But…_

##  _I **love** him for that._

_But our time must be cut short. We need to get to the gate. We need to stop the dragons._

_This will be the last entry until we hopefully return._

~~_Couple more kisses for Abnur. And I’m in the way of his writing. He forgives me for now._ ~~


	216. Chapter 216

_Mulaamnir is defeated. Kaalgrontiid was stopped. The moons returned to normal._

_I’ll write in better detail later. Abnur and I are finally getting the well deserved and much needed rest. Even when we are always together, it was hard to focus on each other with everything else going on. I want to show him properly how much he means to me. I want to tell him as well._

##  **_Mara have mercy._ **

_He already knows, but I need to tell him and I’m dreadfully scared._


	217. Chapter 217

_It’s been 5 days since the dragons were stopped. A lot of resting. A lot of…_

_Well I’ve been with Abnur._

_I have such exciting news to tell but.. not yet. Nothing’s set in stone yet._

_I still need to talk about the dragon fight._


	218. Chapter 218

_We went to the moon gate. We fought Euraxians. By we I mean, Abnur, Sir Cadwell, Prefect Calo, Gharesh-ri, Khamira, Zamarak, Zyrvveus and the rest of Khamira and Calo’s forces. Of course, yours truly. So, Boris and Spavento were also there._

_We fought through an army of Euraxians. We made it to the gate just in time!_

_The gate didn’t close. Khamira tried everything. But… it was too late._

_The dragons through the main gate._

_Abnur, Khamira and I followed through._

_We were on the moon._

~~_I think?_ ~~

_We fought khajiiti priests and monks. Here to protect the temple. We finally made it Jode’s core. Kaalgrontiid ate the core. Absorbed its power. Mulaamnir fought us. Khamira and Abnur worked on closing the gates and using any spare energy to charge the dragonhorn._

_Mulaamnir was a powerful opponent. I’ve suffered many injuries in this battle. All have been healed. I think I broke an ankle and arm from the sheer force of his landing and I was hit by a wing at one point. I lost Boris and lacked the energy to reconjure him. Lost Spavento. I’ll see her in a few more days._

_Abnur threw shields around me to protect from the shouts. Thankfully. He had enough energy to do that._

_Mulaamnir was finally struck down. This dragonhorn is useful._

_Abnur caught me before I fell over from exhaustion. With the gates closed Kaalgrontiid lost his power from the core._

_We also lost our way back home._

**_But…_ **

_Luckily, Sir Cadwell is a master of portals._

_He took us back to Rimmen. Where I promptly slept._


	219. Chapter 219

_Khamira is officially Queen of Anequina. After all the help I did, she wanted me there as guest of honor. Apparently, more legends will be written of me._

_After the ceremony, Abnur received a letter from the Mane’s envoy._

_He needs to head south to Pelletine. The eclipse caused a stir with khajiit born under the Mane’s moon._

_Of course I’m going with him. But first.We’ve got plans and I need to ask Khamira._


	220. Chapter 220

_The day is finally here. I’m so nervous. After all, Abnur hates parties. But he agreed. He said yes. There’s no turning back._

_There’s always a way out. He knows that._

_But he wants to go through with this…_

_He’s actually the one that brought it up._

_**Marriage that is.** _

_I never thought…. in a million lifetimes…_

_Yet here we are._

_I’ll always be **Liselle Yvette** no matter._

_Even if after this day. I’m officially a Tharn._


	221. Chapter 221

_It was 4 in the morning when we returned to our suite. Newlyweds would traditionally sleep together._

_And sleep we did. No literally, we slept until midday. We actually did nothing but lounged around. We talked. Drank some wine. Talked about anything and everything. We hadn’t had time._

_He asked me a question that left me thinking._

**‘Why had you not gotten married before?’**

_I told him. I how scared I was of falling in love again. How I was treated like a queen and it was all ripped away. The proposal was a lie. He made off with some of my family’s belongings. I shamed the family. I became scared. Sleeping with people and opening are different things._

_And I’m glad I met him. **Abnur Tharn.**_


	222. Chapter 222

_The wedding was… long! Like I said in the previous entry. We didn’t get back til 4 in the morning. But it was more the immense size of the wedding. I swear all of Elsweyr attended._

_My family came. Damien came with his husband. They needed to leave shortly after the ceremony due to Xukas needing to be in the village. Zyr stayed. Of course Sir Cadwell. Lyris and Sahan came as well, I’m rather surprised. Lyris was disgruntled but, I think once she saw how happy I was. Even if it was with a skeeving Tharn._

_The vows took a while to get through. I tried to get the priest of Alkosh to have us recite the vows in Tamrielic. But he insisted on Ta’agra. I wanted traditonal and Khamira also insisted on it. As the bride, it was my wedding… but at least Abnur will remember my bumbling over our wedding vows._

_I messed up so many times, I was so nervous. Abnur used calming magicks to help me through. He did them perfectly. What I’d expect from him._

_Papa cried the entire time. Talked about how beautiful I looked and how Mama would be so proud! Papa also turned over the keys and deed to a family estate outside of Daggerfall. It belongs to Abnur and me now._

_We still have more to do here in Elsweyr. But, we both agree, enough saving Tamriel for the time being. We are going to enjoy a little quiet time._

_Sir Cadwell wrote the most beautiful song for the wedding and unfortunately, not many people understand him enough. It was an epic ballad._


	223. Chapter 223

_We portaled to our new estate. I remember coming here as a child. It needs a good thorough cleaning and we need staff. But…_

_We have money. I have money. Enough for both, but I don’t think there’d be much use of the whole estate. The bedroom, study, dining hall and kitchen will get the most use. I feel we should downgrade. But… this is fine. For now._

_The bedroom was the first thing used when we finally were alone. And I’m thankful we were alone._


End file.
